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Ron Miller's DARK CORRIDORS VOL. 11, No. 2 |
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DEEPLY DARK XMAS GIFTS  That's Ron, the guy with the mustach, wearing the deluxe vampire cape, along with his "disciples of darkness," at a recent lecture he gave on "Famous Monsters I've Known." From left, they are "Danielle," "Malorie," Ron's wife, Darla; Ron, "Joey" and Ron's niece, Natasha. They only dress up like this when trying to thumb their noses at the conventions of fashion or when they're cruising the slums after dark, seeking victims. |
Last minute gifts for friends from out of the shadows
of TheColumnists.com
People constantly bug me for suggestions of Christmas gifts for those among us who walk the darker corridors of life. Since Christmas probably qualifies as a pagan holiday anyway, though not quite on the scale of Halloween, I suppose it's appropriate for me to occasionally come through with some ideas. I have three really solid ones.
Time is of the essence, of course, since the earliest time you may be reading this is the Monday before Christmas. But I've found the online sources of this kind of material often are quite speedy and efficient, especially if you don't mind paying extra for overnight delivery.
Right at the top of my list this year would be a very special article of clothing. I know you may find it odd that I'd suggest something to wear as a Christmas gift ordered through the Internet. What if it doesn't fit? What do you do then? Not a problem. Here's the item:
1. Fully-lined Deluxe Vampire Cape II.
This is a marvelous item, 48-inches long with a "stand-up" collar and red satin-like lining inside the black outer cape. It's a "one size fits all" item and you can tell that's true from the group photo above. My friend "Joey," shown standing to my left, is a six-footer while my wife, Darla, shown at my right, is a five-footer. The capes look good on both of them. Try walking into a nice restaurant wearing one of these capes and you'll understand what good service means, possibly for the first time. I'm thinking of rounding up some of my "disciples" and organize a "capes on" outing to Forks, the remote community here in Washington state, where I live. Since Forks is where they film the "Twilight" series of vampire movies, we all could get some serious action going by dressing up like vampires.
List price is $19.88 each and you can order them from www.amazon.com by choosing the "clothing and apparel" department from the drop-down menu and typing in "vampire capes."
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hovers over Evelyn Ankers in the original 1941 horror classic "The Wolf Man." |
2. "The Wolf Man Legacy Collection."
By now you must be aware that Universal's classic 1941 horror movie "The Wolf Man" has been remade with Oscar-winner Benicio Del Toro taking over the role of Larry Talbot, who is bitten by a werewolf and, therefore, must become one. (Lon Chaney, Jr. was the originator of the role.) The film will be released in early 2010 and will be getting the big push from Universal. But I'm suggesting you prepare a young friend for the remake by choosing Universal's "Wolfman Legacy Collection" DVD boxed set as your Christmas gift. It contains the original 1941 film, which also features Bela Lugosi and Claude Rains, and three other related Universal horror films: "The Werewolf of London" (1935) with Henry Hull in the title role; "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man" (1943) in which The Wolf Man (Chaney, Jr.) battles Frankenstein's Monster (Bela Lugosi), and "She-Wolf of London" (1946), a dopey film in which June Lockhart, years before she became "Lassie's mother" on TV, believes she may be a werewolf. The latter film vividly demonstrates why Universal's "golden age" of horror movies came to an end in 1946. Amazon.com sells the boxed set, which contains lots of other extras, for about $20.
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as DEXTER MORGAN OK, he's a serial killer, but he's the one you want to root for in Showtime's "Dexter." |
3.
"Dexter: Season One."
Showtime's "Dexter" is most
definitely the very best "dark" television series currently
on the air. It concluded its fourth season on the pay network
early this month with "hero" Dexter Morgan (Michael
C. Hall) surviving his battle to the death with a serial killer
brilliantly played by John Lithgow. Dexter, who's a blood splatter
analyst for the Miami P.D. by day, is also a serial killer by
night--but he only kills other killers, which makes him a sort
of blood-soaked vigilante. This is an extremely clever show with
a great deal of humor and sensational characters, brilliantly
acted by a superb cast. You should be able to get the first season
of "Dexter" for $20 or less at several online sources.
Though CBS repeated the first season after it was shown on the
pay network, this is now the only way you can catch up on where
each character is coming from, so start with Season One and I'll
bet your friend will wind up wanting them all.
Again, go to www.amazon.com or www.moviesunlimited.com and type in "Dexter" where it lets you search for a movie or TV show and you'll get all the available seasons.
What if your friends think you're going weird on them when you give them one of these gifts? I mean, I can imagine some pal saying, "Ugh! A TV series with a serial killer for a hero? What were you thinking? No thanks." or "What am I supposed to do with a vampire cape. I'm too old for trick-or-treating!"
If you're a "dark corridors" type and you have friends like those above, then my advice is to make some new friends. Wear your vampire cape to the right place and you'll be surprised how friendly people can get.
©2009 by Ron Miller. The photo at top is the property of the author. The photo from "The Wolf Man" is courtesy of Universal Pictures. The photo from "Dexter" is courtesy of Showtime. This column first posted Dec. 21, 2009.
Ron
Miller is a former nationally syndicated television columnist
and the author of "Mystery! A Celebration," the official
companion book to PBS' "Mystery!" series. He most recently
was the TV columnist for MYSTERY SCENE magazine.
You can comment on this column online. Please address your message to either "The Editors" or Ron Miller. To send an email, click here and don't forget to mention Ron's name: talkback@thecolumnists.com
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