MAURY ALLEN
DINNER AT THE DINER
"Gee, that guy Maury used to be a waiter here.
You'd think he'd remember how hard it is to please diners."
What's more important? Good food or service?
By MAURY ALLEN
of TheColumnists.com
This is the life of a retired writer.
Lots of movies, occasional theater, good books to read or fall asleep by, an inspired column to write such as this one, grandchildren sitting, a hot new game to watch on TV or a hot old one to remember and more often than not, dinner at the diner. New Jersey, not Carolina.
New Jersey is the diner state, not the Garden State, as the propaganda goes. Hard to drive a mile or more without seeing a diner sign of welcome. Good food, large portions, welcome service, modest prices, vast choices and a good shot at bumping into a friend.
Then the Social Security check comes. Now it is time to step out. Dinner in a restaurant. Make a reservation. Change from blue jeans to pressed slacks. Take off the sweater. Put on a sports jacket. Wait for wife Janet to decide which dress, which coat, which purse to use this time.
Now for the emotional dining question. Good food and bad service? Good service and bad food? Of course, the ultimate goal is both. Doesnt often happen.
I come to these decisions with a little professional background. I worked as a waiter for the adult guests at a childrens camp in the Pennsylvania Poconos during my college years, early Army days and in between newspaper jobs.
When I got into the newspaper business and my paper went on strike with the possibility of folding, I consoled my new bride by announcing, Dont worry, I can always work as a waiter.
I didnt marry a waiter, Janet announced. I married a writer.
For the next 30 or so years, we dined in the best restaurants in San Francisco and Chicago, Philadelphia and Boston, Cleveland, Detroit and Miami. How can I forget Friscos Blue Fox, Detroits London Chop House, Bostons Durgin Park, Miamis Crab Shanty or Philadelphias Bookbinders?
Pass the wine list, prepare the soufflé and rev up the expense account.
Now it is the fixed income supreme, the albatross of retirees. We want good food, better service and modest prices, almost impossible to find in New York, New Jersey or probably any of the other 48.
An old sportswriter of The New York Times named John Drebinger dined regularly in the baseball press box on grilled cheese sandwiches. Not even a piece of yellow copy paper stuffed in the sandwich by colleagues slowed him down.
A few bucks from his expense account would wind up in his pocket.
He also started every road trip with a suitcase filled with dirty clothes because hotel laundry costs were also on the expense account list. Thats another story for another column.
Now for the choices. Food or service. Service or food.
This all started the other day when Janet and I decided on breakfast out. Nearest diner. Best food. Large portions of French toast, pancakes, omelets and endless coffee. Modest prices. Good service.
Whoa. The service was terrible. We drew a new waiter. Clearly in his first days on the job. He was slow, careless and uncommunicative, a dreadful combination for a diner waiter.
I answer with a modest tip.When it came, Janet said, the food was as good as always.
I want both good food and good service, I replied.
The debate went on as we listed a half dozen restaurants in our area that we had visited recently, alone together or with one, two or three other couples.
As we named them, we cast our votes. None had excellent food, excellent service and modest prices. Janet always leaned towards good food. I bent over backwards for good service.
When we are seated at a good restaurant, I expect menus quickly, a wine list, a friendly greeting, a basket of rolls and a glass of water.
Im an old waiter pro. Thats what I was taught. Thats what I offered up to the guests in my days on the job.
Most good restaurants will offer a few specials when the waiter comes around. I want the specials explained. I want the prices announced. I want the recommendations made.
The dining decisions are made. Now the wait for the first course, a soup, a salad, a
unique appetizer or a pass. Sometimes we are not that hungry after bread, wine and
water.
What is a reasonable time? Five minutes, 10, 20? It is grindingly unpleasant on a
dining night out in full hunger when the waiter passes your table two, three or four
times as he serves tables to the front, back and side of you.
The entrée has been ordered and shows up, sometimes on huge plates with small
portions (Ill decide if Im eating too much) or at the wrong place or not cooked as
ordered.
The empty dishes are taken away slowly. The dessert list doesnt arrive. The early
coffee is cold. The check comes. Are they rushing us out?
The debate heats up as we drive home. Good service and bad food. Not pleasant. Good
food, slow service. More tolerable. Great food, great service, modest prices. Never
happens.
Well, it is about lunch time now. I yell over to Janet, Are you ready for Burger King?
©2010 by Maury Allen. The Maury Allen caricature is ©2001 by Jim Hummel. The casrtoon is from IMSI's MASTER CLIPS COLLECTION, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted Feb. 8, 2010.
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