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GUESS WHAT? WE'RE HAVING AN ELECTION, TOO!
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Canadian elections aren't
as exciting as America's
By JIM BAWDEN
of TheColumnists.com
I distinctly remember
the night it happened. It was 10 days ago when I came home late
from a screening of the remake of "The Women" (I hated
it!). I locked the door of my downtown Toronto home, turned out
the porch lights and then I noticed the object on my front lawn.
It was a campaign sign: “Vote Layton: NDP.”
I rushed out to take a good look. I hadn’t
ordered it, but I wasn’t mad. I was relieved. It suddenly
reminded me Canada is in the middle of a general election. Just
like our neighbors to the south.
Like most Canadians, I've been preoccupied with the sheer weirdness
of the U.S. election. First of all, there was the 10 months of
drama during the primary campaign. The first viable female presidential
candidate, Sen. Hillary Clinton, locked horns with the first
viable Afro-American candidate, Barack Obama, and what a spectacular
blow up it became.
Up here in Canada we have no such thing as primaries. There's
no place for vice presidential candidates either.
Prime Minister Stephen Harper decided he
could no longer work with an obstreperous minority parliament
and, on Sept. 7, asked the Governor General to dissolve parliament
and have an election, one that would be entirely over in six
weeks (Oct. 14). Then the 40th Parliament will convene on Nov.
12.
In the U.S. there’s no sign of a familiar face out to get
votes. President George W. Bush didn’t even dare attend
his party’s convention. He appeared via television from
the White House. I don’t think Vice President Dick Cheney’s
name was ever mentioned and I should know. I watched day and
night. It was either the conventions or reruns of "The Hills."
And guess what I chose.
Actually, the Dems were first and every commentator was tense
as the world wondered what the Clintons would do. Both Hillary
and Bill gave separate speeches on different nights. Only their
daughter, Chelsea, was denied a speech in that family.
It grew even more tense. Would Hillary get the second spot on
the ticket or did she even want it? Was Bill still thundering
about the way his wife was mistreated by party hierarchy?
Up in Ottawa, Prime Minister Harper strolled onto the lawn outside
the vice regal estate and said it was time for an election and
strolled away. He is fighting the same fellows he squares off
against every day during Question Period: Liberal leader Stephane
Dion, NDP leader Jack Layton and PQ leader Gilles Duceppe. So
what’s to get excited about? Here are three grey-haired
white fellows saying what they’ve been saying for years.
Daily Question Period is something the American Founding Fathers
forgot to include in the U. S. Constitution. I remember the time
President Reagan watched Prime Minister Trudeau take the daily
questions for 40 minutes. Then he asked Trudeau how he managed
to memorize so many lines every day. Trudeau patiently explained
it was basic knowledge he was spouting and he never knew what
the questions would be. Reagan simply looked shocked.
No wonder during the U.S. Vice Presidential
debate I compulsively watched that gun totin’ populist Sarah
Palin hem and haw thru her “gosh, oh gee” remarks while
veteran Joe Biden looked rather amused by it all.
I should have been watching the sole Canadian leaders’ debate
going on at the same time, but I craved human drama, tension,
excitement. On the CBC debate, the four grey hairs plus the Green
Party’s leader (Elizabeth May) sat around a conference table
and seemed to put each other to sleep.
The night before, they’d gone to Quebec to debate in French,
which at least offered a few laughs as they collectively murdered
“la plus belle langue du monde”.
No, I chose the Palin and Biden traveling roadshow, which had
everything: Aa little pathos, some laughs, plus phrases I haven’t
heard on TV since "Petticoat Junction" went off the
air. And it came complete with tons of analysis by all sorts
of half-cocked commentators. These same experts couldn’t
even tell us in advance Sarah Palin was going to be the Republican
candidate for vice president.
After the Canadian debate, commentators wheezed through some
standard saying, but we had heard it all befor
Of course, comparing U.S. and Canadian elections is like comparing
elephants and mites. Canada has 1/10 the population of the U.S.
and not much influence anywhere in the world. Our Toronto stock
market crashed the day after Wall Street crashed and recovered
in the same fashion. Any Canadian economic disaster produces
just a few minor ripples in the rest of the world.
On the plus side, we still use paper ballots and all get counted
by hand within an hour or two of the closing of the polls. I
have a friend in Ottawa who is working the day at a downtown
polling place and she’s already been through a rough learning
session at “ballot college” run by Elections Canada.
She must be on duty from half an hour before the polls open and
stay at her post until every ballot is counted. She must bring
a lunch and dinner and if nature really calls then her polling
place shuts down until she returns. As ballots get counted,an
official from each party is right there to make sure it’s
all correct. Spoiled ballots are carefully scrutinized by each
party representative. And there’s an automatic recount if
the voting is close
In short, no hanging chads or electronic tomfoolery. Prospective
voters must bring their bilingual postcard from Elections Canada
as well as picture identification. It’s all so, er, Canadian.
It used to be rather amateurish 25 years ago. I remember most
polls back then were located in the homes of one’s neighbors.
One delightful Asian woman welcomed us at the door and provided
a plateful of fish heads to suck on while we waited in line.
I can’t recall anybody ever eating such fare. These days
four separate polls have been located across my street at a public
school. Which is why all parties have tried to place signs on
my lawn.
So far, it looks like another minority government in Canada,
which means another election could come within a year or so with
the same tired faces. So, you see why Canadians whoop it up by
watching American political shenanigans. Up here we’d never
see a 72-year-old war hero get retooled as a reformer or a moose
shooter shake things up or a charismatic black politician stir
crowds of 80,000 or an obscure senator consistently mangle the
language. Our leaders are all sane, steadfast, and quite dull.
Canada’s federal election will be over on Oct. 14, giving
Canadians ample time to sit down in front of the telly and enjoy
some really rousing U.S. politics with the promise it could still
be a horse race election night.
But that’s the American way, right?
©2008 by Jim Bawden. This column first posted Oct. 6, 2008.
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