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VIEW FROM THE RIGHT
If 'Obummer' gets the job,
here's what he should do
of TheColumnists.com
Even Yogi would say it: It’s over.
No Truman-over-Dewey upset this time.
Oh, I did my part. Marked McCain-Palin on my absentee ballot.
Heck, I even considered voting my gut. Yes, almost wrote in Dick Cheney for president and Ed Royce--my Southern California congressman who had the sense to reject the sellout bill--for veep, but went mainstream.
Not that it matters. We’re stuck with President Obummer--and eight years of Tall Taxes and Talk on Terror.
Here’s what I wish he’d do:
Ditch the Electoral College. Must’ve gotten its name from college football, another nutty championship system. I’m tired of sending my Republican vote into California’s pinko ether. Open the presidential contest to a popular ballot.
Dump instant replay as a football decider. The refs get so many reviews wrong, the boring delay isn’t worth it.
Work or get out. You know the definition of senators running for president? Burglars. They’re stealing $165,000 a year from taxpayers while ignoring their job in Congress. McCain and Obummer should’ve quit their Senate posts long ago.
Boot Al Davis. His moves look worse than his stretched face. Lose him, and the Oakland Raiders become winners.
Pull an FDR. You know one of the first Roosevelt acts in the Depression? He cut all government salaries. Whack. Do it now to get a grip on the budget.
Speaking of cuts. What do you call waste? The Education and Energy departments. Slice ’em, toss ’em and--what a concept--save money.
Wake up the umps. Make them call more strikes. With this epidemic of deep counts, no wonder fans leave baseball for the X Games.
Say auf wiedersehen. Why keep our troops in Germany? Last time I checked, the wall came down two decades ago. Erase our PX’s, commissaries, bowling alleys, schools--not to mention 70,000 troops and their families--and we’d save a fortune. It’s a good gig; I grew up and worked in that military boondoggle in Europe. Tough to let go, but do it.
Spruce ’em up. The baseball commish loses it over tucked-out jerseys. What about those grimy helmets that Manny Ramirez, Vlad Guerrero and Orlando Cabrera don? Spit-shine ’em, and pronto.
Show me the money. Thirty billion for AIDS in Africa; $700 billion for God knows what. I’d like one lousy billion of that. At least I’d spend it on something of substance, like an NFL team in Los Angeles.
Cut the fat. What the heck is Phillies manager Charlie Manuel carrying above his belt? An equipment bag? He’s so sow, you wonder if he’s following fastballs or fast food. Lose it, dude. And that’s just leading off. Get everyone to trim down before jacking up a budget for medical insurance.
Cut the traffic. The easiest way? Give companies tax breaks for letting employees work from home. Telecommuting would keep cars off the road. And cut into oil guzzling. Since Obummer rides with words, here’s his slogan: Breaks And Brakes.
©2008 by Bucky Fox. This column first posted Oct. 27, 2008.
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