THE RIGHT VOTE
"Hey, throw that Bucky Fox guy
out of this press conference.
He's the one who keeps calling
me at 3 a.m. on the hot line,
demanding to know why I
haven't fired Al Davis yet!"
PRESIDENTIAL PRESS CONFERENCE
VIEW FROM THE RIGHT
If 'Obummer' gets the job,
here's what he should do
By BUCKY FOX
Even Yogi would say it: Its over.
No Truman-over-Dewey upset this time.
Oh, I did my part. Marked McCain-Palin on my absentee ballot.
Heck, I even considered voting my gut. Yes, almost wrote in Dick Cheney for president and Ed Royce--my Southern California congressman who had the sense to reject the sellout bill--for veep, but went mainstream.
Not that it matters. Were stuck with President Obummer--and eight years of Tall Taxes and Talk on Terror.
Heres what I wish hed do:
Ditch the Electoral College. Mustve gotten its name from college football, another nutty championship system. Im tired of sending my Republican vote into Californias pinko ether. Open the presidential contest to a popular ballot.
Dump instant replay as a football decider. The refs get so many reviews wrong, the boring delay isnt worth it.
Work or get out. You know the definition of senators running for president? Burglars. Theyre stealing $165,000 a year from taxpayers while ignoring their job in Congress. McCain and Obummer shouldve quit their Senate posts long ago.
Boot Al Davis. His moves look worse than his stretched face. Lose him, and the Oakland Raiders become winners.
Pull an FDR. You know one of the first Roosevelt acts in the Depression? He cut all government salaries. Whack. Do it now to get a grip on the budget.
Speaking of cuts. What do you call waste? The Education and Energy departments. Slice em, toss em and--what a concept--save money.
Wake up the umps. Make them call more strikes. With this epidemic of deep counts, no wonder fans leave baseball for the X Games.
Say auf wiedersehen. Why keep our troops in Germany? Last time I checked, the wall came down two decades ago. Erase our PXs, commissaries, bowling alleys, schools--not to mention 70,000 troops and their families--and wed save a fortune. Its a good gig; I grew up and worked in that military boondoggle in Europe. Tough to let go, but do it.
Spruce em up. The baseball commish loses it over tucked-out jerseys. What about those grimy helmets that Manny Ramirez, Vlad Guerrero and Orlando Cabrera don? Spit-shine em, and pronto.
Show me the money. Thirty billion for AIDS in Africa; $700 billion for God knows what. Id like one lousy billion of that. At least Id spend it on something of substance, like an NFL team in Los Angeles.
Cut the fat. What the heck is Phillies manager Charlie Manuel carrying above his belt? An equipment bag? Hes so sow, you wonder if hes following fastballs or fast food. Lose it, dude. And thats just leading off. Get everyone to trim down before jacking up a budget for medical insurance.
Cut the traffic. The easiest way? Give companies tax breaks for letting employees work from home. Telecommuting would keep cars off the road. And cut into oil guzzling. Since Obummer rides with words, heres his slogan: Breaks And Brakes.
©2008 by Bucky Fox. This column first posted Oct. 27, 2008.
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