|
|
 |
|
Some thoughts while
turning Almanac pages
of TheColumnists.com
I am amazed by the world’s positive reaction to the Obama election. Kenya declared a national holiday; the Mid-East Arab states refer to him as Hussein Obama; In the Celtic lands, he’s O’Bama; France and Belgium salute Michelle and Barraque, and the Italians are overjoyed to finally get a U.S. President whose name ends with an “a”.
In case nobody noticed, the U.S. voters got a bit younger and a lot smarter.
|
|
During the final days of the campaign,
in a last ditch effort by the GOP to reach ‘real’ Americans,
Governor Sarah Palin was launched on a last gasp whirlwind helicopter
tour of trailer camps in the ‘red’ Southern states.
Because Gov. Palin was not permitted to speak to the press, one
of the many spokespersons assigned to her said that the Governor
had addressed a trailer park assemblage near the Okefenokee Swamp,
in Georgia. Next stop, she continued, was a huge gathering of
trailer homes near Tampa--advertised as the largest trailer camp
in the world (but boasted only 16 registered voters).
The aide said that Gov. Palin was overjoyed about her “chopper
hoppin’" because it afforded her some recreational
time to hunt critters from the chopper. Our source said Palin
had bagged 28 fox squirrels, 4 black bears, 16 ringtail possums
and had some near-misses on 11 wild-eyed Liberals.
“I could’a bagged all them critters,
too, but I couldn’t,” she explained, “ ‘cause
I kept losing my balance in those spikey Manolo Blahnik shoes
they gave me.”
|
|
. Why do the media insist that all bystanders are innocent?
. There
are still sound real estate investments to be made in our perilous
economy. Mindful of the accelerating rate of global warming,
smart folks should be buying up as much acreage as they can in
the foothills of the Appalachians and the Allegheny mountain
chain. The land there can be bought for peanuts, and just wait
10 years. By then, you will own valuable oceanfront property
that can be sold for a fortune. West Coasters using the same
strategy will best be served by buying up land in Nevada near
the future port of Reno.
. Will
Angelina Jolie permit her father to visit his grandchildren,
or does he have to still subscribe to Us Weekly to see them?
. Ever listen to AM radio? High decibel commercials about low or no interest rates for autos and such still abound. But radio doesn’t have the extra fine type that is visible--but never readable--on TV or in the print media ads that show in teeny, tiny type a laundry list of caveats or disclaimers. Radio commercial spots, deprived of ‘fine print,’ resort to warp-speed talkers who can be heard, but never understood. I feel sorry for the kindergarten kids of those ad guys who must tell the class what their Daddy does for a living: “He’s a fast talker.”
. I’m a skinny guy and I’m trying to gain weight. Have you seen or read anything, anywhere lately on a healthful weight gaining diet? Where is Charles Atlas when I need him?
. Last May, the devastating quake in Sichuan, China took a disproportionate number of children’s lives because of the shabby construction of school buildings. The Chinese government has finally cracked down on the miscreant bureaucrats who were forced to resign and face imprisonment. The charges against them: Erectile dysfunction.
. Whatever happened to dungarees, Winona Ryder or Burma Shave?
. What did you guys do with your Uncle Sam’s summertime bonus incentive promoted by George the Dim, to rescue the economy and rid ourselves of unsightly dandruff? I figured that I might as well give it to the suffering and the neediest: I deposited it in my CitiBank money market account. Now the bank has just 10 billion more to recoup..
. Do you think that lexicographers have defining moments?
. Have
you noticed that the Iraq conflict is moving off the front pages
of newspapers? It gets scant coverage on radio and TV as well.
When war becomes boring, it’s time to quit.
. But,
you have to give credit to Bush and his neo-cons. Their ‘hands
off business’ philosophy helped trigger a worldwide recession–thus
achieving a promised goal: bringing down the price of oil.
. Why are the checkout counter periodicals willing to pay millions to have exclusive rights for the pictures of newborn ‘love children’? The fathers are often itinerant rock stars or body trainers and such. You may remember that after the death of Anna Nicole Smith there was a line-up of guys, all claiming that they sired her infant heiress-to-be. Mothers all over the country are asking themselves, "Why did I have to marry that Doofus just to have some kids?”
. I recently found that I had a box of carbon paper in the bottom of my desk drawer. Doesn’t everybody? The last time I had to use it was in 1974 during the NYC blackout. I was the Mayor’s press secretary then, and trying to keep the City Hall reporters updated. One of my assistants found carbon paper stashed away in a storage closet. My 22-year old secretary who never saw carbon paper before, typed out bulletins by candlelight on the only non-electric typewriter we could find–a portable Royal borrowed from a detective at nearby Police Headquarters.
. Over the past few years the all-news radio stations are chockfull of commercials urging us to give our old cars to charity. They will even tow them away and give you a receipt for tax exemption purposes. Apparently these are not real charities. They are for-profits who make deals with some legit charitable organizations to give them a percentage of the take. So the IRS sits on its hands while the taxpayers are now underwriting chop shops all over America.
. Is Katie Couric a victim of sex discrimination among viewers or is it hubris? In other words, did she get too big for her bloomers?
. Why do most auto commercials show their cars zooming down hairpin roads at breakneck speeds? No wonder hit and run driving has become the collateral damage of DWI’s and Crackheads on “pleasure drives.”
. Why, at my tender age, do I think things will get better? A better tomorrow is not just the driving force for the young. If we Geezers have to hang on to one thing, it’s hope.
©2008 by SID FRIGAND.
The illustration is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895
Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column
first posted Nov. 17, 2008.
TO ACCESS SID FRIGAND'S ARCHIVE OF COLUMNS
ON THIS SITE, CLICK HERE: FRIGAND
ARCHIVE
You can comment
on this column online. Please address your message to either
"The Editors" or Sid Frigand. To send an email, click
here and don't forget to mention Sid's name: talkback@thecolumnists.com
|
|
|
Archives |
|
|