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EXCLUSIVE NEWS BRIEFS (NOT DESIGNER UNDERWEAR)  MOON UNIT ZAPPA with FRANK ZAPPA, HER DAD Why is The Society For the Prevention of Cruelty to Children interested in them? |
By SID FRIGAND
of TheColumnists.com
.Washington officials, alarmed by relentless media reports about deceit, greed, recklessness and corrupt hanky-panky on Wall Street, are moving to tighten oversight of banking institutions nationwide.
Starting September 1st of this year all lending institutes will no longer be permitted to use the word “Trust” in their names. Also banned will be use of such words as “Fidelity.”’ National,’ “America” and “People’s.” There is doubt, however, that a second recommendation–to require the word “Bunco” be substituted for “Bank” -- would be feasible within that time frame.
. Recent stories about hedge fund presidents helping themselves to salaries as much as $1.2 billion dollars a year (what does one do with a billion dollars or so every year?) is finally drawing the attention of the IRS. The Feds have dubbed their investigation ‘Operation Hedgehogs’
. Greece, desperate to lighten the load of its national deficit, has approved renting out ancient landmarks (the Parthenon most notably) for receptions, weddings, wakes and bar mitzvahs. In addition the Greek Government has designated 227 of its more than 6,000 off shore islands as tax havens for greedy, tax-dodging corporations. Germany is still considering a bailout of the beleaguered nation with the stipulation, we are told, that Greece officially changes its name to the Germanic “Griechenland.”
. President Obama, anxious to reduce the national debt, is seriously considering a joint bid by East Coast Native American tribes to buy the Pentagon and use it as the world’s largest gambling casino. The 6.5 million square foot Goliath should fetch more than $20 billion for the nation’s coffers, and Obama insists upon Uncle Sam getting a 25 percent cut of the annual take.
. Protesters
in Kryghistan have succeeded in driving the country’s President
into exile because most citizens say he is a crook, cruel and
dimwitted. The rioters also demand that their republic be re-named
Kurgistan to attract tourism from Western visitors who are often
put off when they try to pronounce the country’s name. Cynical
Presidential loyalists refer to it as the “Vowel Movement.”
. The
erupting Iceland volcano, which has been causing havoc in Western
Europe - is also daunting to radio and TV newscasters and driving
news copywriters nuts. Its name: Eyjafjallajplukull.
According to recent news reports, this
eruption could continue on and off for two years. Frantic airline
executives are seeking alternate strategies to continue service
and not have their planes’ jet engines destroyed by sucking
in the destructive volcanic ash. The distinguished British engineer,
Sir Sebastian Fogey, is already working on an
alternative engine thrust to safely power aircraft–-he calls
his breakthrough “Propeller Propulsion.” The heirs
of the Wright brothers may sue.
. CELEBRITY INSIDERS: Both Larry King and Elizabeth Taylor are planning new marriages. If they married each other they could make it into the Guinness Book of Records. He would be married eight times to seven women and Liz will have been wed nine times to eight men. Between the two, they would have 17 marriages and nine children–all totally confused about their lineage.
. The Society for he Prevention of Cruelty to Children is taking issue with celebrities who insist upon inventing weird names for their children. SPCC president, Dr. Millie Segundo, observed, “These are not just odd names but cruel ones that damage a child’s self-esteem.” Dr. Segundo said that off-beat children’s names seems to be an ‘in’ thing among the celebrity set. “We’re not concerned with unconventional names like Apple, Brooklyn, Ireland or Gulliver,” she said, “But we must draw the line when it comes to names like:
Diezel Ky ……………………Tony Braxton (parent)
Kal-El Coppola………………Nicholas Cage
Lark Song…………………….Mia Farrow
Memphis Eve………………..Bono
Moon Unit, Dweezil, Diva .....Frank Zappa
Sage Moonblood……………Sylvester
Stallone
Moxie Crimefighter………..
Penn Jillette
Pilot Inspektor………………Jason
Lee
Kyd……………………………David Duchovny
Tu Morrow…………………..Rob Morrow
Let us hope that all of these kids excel in the martial arts and all the girls are gorgeous.
©2010 by SID FRIGAND. The photo is
courtesy of ThisDayinRock.com. This column first posted April
26, 2010.
You can comment
on this column online via our TALKBACK page. Please address your
message to either "The Editors" or Sid Frigand at Syndpack
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