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Billionaires gather round
as Facebook goes public
of TheColumnists.com
Silicon Valley,
CA:
Happy Days are here again, folks. By “here,” I am referring
to my neighborhood—booming Silicon Valley.
It seems that all my neighbors here are
doing very well. They are not just the top one per cent. Now,
thanks to the kids at Facebook up the road, they are the top
one-tenth, or maybe one-one hundredth of a per cent of the rich.
We are not talking of millionaires, yesterday’s definition
of rich. These folks are billionaires—spelled with a “b”.
One of these kids, by name of Zuckerberg, has decided to go public with his private little gameshop. And the whole world wants a piece of it. So Zuckerberg (with a “Z”) is worth 28 “B”illion. Well that’s just his latest payday, thanks to owning half the new stock of Facebook, an IPO (Initial Public Orgasm) that is just the latest wonder in Silicon Valley’s Wonderland.
Zuckerberg has been collecting billions before this running the social network he thought up. A couple of his Harvard classmates actually think they thought it up in the dorm one night So Zuckerberg has given them a couple hundred million as friendship money. Considering that is million, with an “m”, they feel they are being short-changed.
I can understand that. Zuckerberg is given a couple hundred million to David Choe, the artist who did the graffiti decorations on his office wall. Who knew that graffiti paid so well. I can scribble, too.
But I have never signed up with Facebook, thinking it was pointless because I have no friends. (Actually, my friendly son did sign me up once. I am waiting for a friend.)
There are so many billionaires around here
now, that I’m thinking of selling my home to Donald Trump,
if he can afford it. Real estate agents all over Silicon Valley
are now involved in what they call “the Rapture.” I
expect one-room cabins will be selling for a couple hundred million,
with or without closets.
People are talking about putting an elite jetport on the middle
school’s parking lot. All sorts of jet setters will no doubt
be dropping in for lunch. The local diner is putting mink on
its stools.
Facebook is not our only tourist attraction. Apple and Google and Hewlett Packard and a whole bunch of others have some of the older mortgages. I can’t afford a hamburger in Palo Alto anymore. (That’s where the Stanford crowd sit, dreaming of another gimmick that will make them filthy rich.)
So, let’s hear it for all the Silicon billionaires. No, I’m not one of them. I majored in English in the midwest. I wanted to become a writer. (I don’t think I’m going to get paid for this.)
©2012 by Murry Frymer. The Murry Frymer caricature is ©2000 by Jim Hummel. The photo of Mark Zuckerberg is courtesy of Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia. This column first posted Feb. 6, 2012.
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