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 A Typical Frymer Reaction |
 An Innovative Frymer Solution |
Don't call me; I'll call you!
(No, I won't! I lied!)
By MURRY FRYMER
of TheColumnists.com
The “Do Not Call” list is a wondrous idea, but a bit limited. I suggest that it could have other, more poignant uses, for example the ability for all of us to set up special “Do Not Call” lists which, once entered into a telephone file, make us impregnable to certain people. To wit:
The IRS: These people should know straight out that I do not wish to hear their ill-mannered demands, threats, or whatever. Fine them the called-for $11,000 if they dare put me on their “To call” list.
My In-Laws: I never know how to wheedle out of those invitations that keep coming when my excuses have run dry. Put them on the list.
Debt collectors: Dreadfully annoying people they are and each call makes them all the more annoying. How do you get them off your tail? Well, this list has come just in time.
Very Successful Former Buddies: They usually have a new prize or achievement to recite, along with the excitement of all the obstacles they had to overcome. "And how are you doing?" they ask. Instead of muttering, "Don't ask," it might be better to have a list that mutters, "Don't call."
Poll Takers: “This will only take a minute,” they say. And then they begin a question that takes a half-hour.
The Neptune Society: Somehow these fine folk have gotten the idea that I want to sign up for a burial “plan,” especially during their monthly sale. I am not ready to go, sir, and even if I am, I would rather not discuss it. Call me after I’m gone.
The People at Work Who are Taking a Collection for that Nice Woman in the Library Who is Getting Married: I never called her for a handout. But I could never say “no” to such warm-hearted appeals. Now I won’t have to.
Aunt Harriet: I LOVE Aunt Harriet. But the lady is something of a talker. She takes 15 minutes just to say hello and then she drones on as the hours drift down to a precious few. Sorry, Aunt Harriet.
Political appeals: Somehow they have been left out of the salacious list. Put them on!
The PTA: Sure, I love my kids. But I make enough direct contributions to them. I’d just as soon not talk about it.
Hardly-remembered old friends
who just happen to be in town:
Of course, I remember you! How did you get this number?
©2003
by Murry Frymer. The Frymer
caricature is ©2000 by Jim Hummel. The illustrations are
from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E.,
San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA.
Murry Frymer is a writer for San Jose Magazine and is a co-founder and columnist for TheColumnists.com
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