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 celebrates wedding vows |
If gay weddings were legal,
would they lose appeal?
of TheColumnists.com
I have been nudging my kids to get married for years now. They are all in their 30s, which in my dating days was considered middle age. In fact, when I did not marry until I was 32, I believe I heard some rumors that it was because I was gay. Heterosexual men married in their 20s, and young ladies right after their college graduations.
My three tell me that times have changed. People don’t get married as quickly now, they say. They live together for a time. They work on their careers.
But up the road here in San Francisco thousands of people are lining up to get married. The newspapers sport front page pictures of the couples, holding hands, laughing, kissing each other’s cheeks. They hope to get married in the morning.
The delighted couples are gay or lesbian and San Francisco has become their mecca, offering a chance to do what they can’t do most anyplace else. It is remarkable. I had no idea that marriage was such a hot item.
Why in the world do all these couples seek a wedding? Because, I assume, until now it was forbidden. In fact, even in San Francisco, it is unclear if it is not still forbidden. But these thousands are jumping through what they see as a window of opportunity.
I think I’ve figured it out. Marriage is eagerly sought in San Francisco because until now it was impossible. I think perhaps I have learned something.
If, for example, I insisted that my kids COULD NOT marry, if I tried to rule on the issue with an iron hand, obviously all three would be married by now. It is as if I had insisted when they were children that they COULD NOT eat spinach! They would sit in dark hallways gobbling the stuff.
I think that if gays were allowed to get married everywhere, their nuptials would become as uncertain for most couples as they have become for heterosexual young career people. For the so-called straights, there are too many other things to do before getting married. There are PhD’s to earn, or vice-presidencys to seek. You can always get married later. Maybe a long, exploratory engagement is better.
For the gays in San Francisco, today or tomorrow or the next day may be their last opportunity. Run, run, run to city hall to say “I do.”
I think there are lots of things we could ban as a society just to create a desire to break that ban. For example, we could have insisted to Saddam Hussein that he MUST build weapons of mass destruction. Obviously that tyrant would have told us to go to hell. He would have refused to consider such a thing.
It’s all in the psychology, obviously. As many old married couples might warn, promising to love to the death has some downsides. About 50 per cent of men are said to have had an adulterous affair sometime during their marriages.
All the problems of marriage, that lead to counseling, that lead to wars with in-laws, that lead to debts and debates, all those things are going to afflict gay marriages, too, no doubt. Spouses will want to change their husbands or wives. There will be conflicts about where to go on vacation. It is not a bed of roses.
But I won’t say that to my kids. I will tell them I hear that they have only a month or two or three to get married. I will insist they take their vows now or forever hold their peace. Maybe I will only pay for the ceremonies through June, 2004. It is definitely worth a try.
Of course, if they were gay, I wouldn’t have this problem. What an incredible switch this is.
©2004 by Murry Frymer. The Murry Frymer caricature is ©2000 by Jim Hummel. The cartoon is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA.
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