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Murry sums himself up
for 'founders' reunion
of TheColumnists.com
Mister Ron Miller, this website’s founder-in-chief, has sent out a call to the other founders to chip in on a founders' "reunion" edition. I suspect this is a secret ploy to make us take score of ourselves during the five years since TheColumnists.com first dot came.
Fearful of how this might add up, I attempted to demur, but having a little time on my hands and always anxious to answer any of Ron’s entreaties, I have decided to make an effort. A serious effort. No cheap gags. Let’s take a look.
TheColumists.com is a much bigger operation than it was in the old days. There are so many writers. I don’t know how many readers. And the hope for advertising has, as with most similar general-interest sites, been notably missing.
Porn sites do better. As do sites that sell things. Google is the greatest.
How does Frymer do?
Well, there was THE book. “They’re Coming for My Mattress,” a collection of columns from the San Jose Mercury News. We sold out (something I did daily on the job). A second book was written and apparently shelved. I say “apparently.” I continue to harbor hopes I will pursue publication when I get up the energy to again endure rejection.
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ANOTHER BOOK OF HIS COLLECTED COLUMNS say your columns are lightweight ought to have to carry bound volumes of them for just one day!" |
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Other dreams were dusted off and then allowed to slumber again. Without deadlines, without the pay check, slumber comes easy, especially as the birthdays mount. There must be time for trips, time to redecorate, time for the kids (now not kids at all) and stuff like that. And there is the freelance operations, regular columns for San Jose Magazine and the Times Media group, etc.
But I must admit that the toughest thing about the last five years has been this thing called “retirement.” I was warned about it. George Burns--not a personal friend--said that he would never retire. “What would I do?” he asked. And so he kept his act going for the full century and now that I know better I must say I truly admire that. George Burns made me laugh long and hard when he could barely stand. That was his gift and he kept on giving. I should have learned from that.
Most of us don’t have that kind of business acumen. But we have not built the franchise. It is much harder as an employee. So we think we hear the call of possibilities out there, a chance to roam free. Or so most of us think when we make that fateful decision.
And for some, it rings true. I have determined that women are far better at the retirement game than men. For one thing, most women--even including today’s careerists--have somehow avoided gluing their egos and self-images to their careers. Women, unlike men, seem always open to new friendships. In retirement, it seems, women expand their social life. Men expand their waists.
I have had a few bonding sessions with former newsmen who seem, still, to seek recognition for deeds long past, headlines forgotten, tales told and retold. I would rather lunch with the ladies.
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SECRET SEX DIARY WERE PUBLISHED Murry Frymer's new book, so I can read it before the next women's club meeting? I don't want to be the last to read about his affair with Brittany Spears!" |
In my case, having spent some time columnizing, there is all manner of opinion searching for eyes and ears that used to be there regularly. Now the wife gets to hear it all, before running eagerly out to a variety of volunteer posts, coffee klatches and matters dealing with today, rather than yesterday. This can be a problem for togetherness. A husband at home is a frightening thing.
And yet there is the matter of reflection. It always seemed to me that while reflection of one’s life can be an exercise in angst, it really needs its time. Dying at one’s desk may avoid this step, but that is unfortunate. After you have made a long trip, it is good to look at the scrapbook, laugh at the pictures, remember the unexpected turns in the road that changed everything. And the choices, now often incomprehensible. Unlike President Bush, I can point to lots of mistakes. Luck had something to do with some of them. Reflection doesn’t mean dwelling on what, in hindsight, seems just happenstance.
If life has its meaning, this is the time to discern it. But you will probably have to keep this discernment to yourself. Audiences find this topic a bit awkward. Where are the laughs?
Oddly, this retirement phase has led, through the wonder of e-mail, to renewed friendships with people who disappeared from daily life, but live on electronically. And now there is time to talk a bit less self-consciously about personal matters that didn’t fit into workaday water-cooler chats.
I think if one cares to pursue it, there is understanding now, of others, of yourself. And it is amazing what revelations come in the memories of yesterday’s twists and turns, fame and folly. I know I understand and empathize with my cat so much more.
I am in awe of so many men and women now for what they made of their lives, how enormous challenges were met and conquered. And I admire wisdom, which exists not only in classic books, but in the struggles of people I never really looked at with the sensitivity they required.
TheColumnists.com is just another outlet for some people to share some laughs and search for some connection. And so while I would have rather founded The New York Times, TheColumnists is at least part of the game. It was, of course, Ron Miller who kept it all going, by a generous outlay of his time and money. But I get my name on the plaque at the front door, just as soon as we build our headquarters.
That’s something.
| ©2004 by Murry Frymer. The Murry Frymer caricature is ©2000 by Jim Hummel. The cartoons are from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. |
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