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 JUMBO loves to check out any vehicles of interest at the animal park. |
What to do if an elephant
sits on your front bumper
By PATRICIA J. GEISTER
of TheColumnists.com
Fred and Ethel bought
a new, bright red truck and camper for retirement vacation trips.
I'm not kidding. These are real people and their names are Fred
and Ethel, but they don't have neighbors like Lucy and Ricky.
First they would drive round trip from Idaho to southern California,
the last stretch along coastal Highway 101. The big, drive-through
animal park near San Diego would be the highlight. Ethel had
a treasure trove of batteries for her digital camera. She made
sure she could capture every exciting moment.
“Goliath” was Fred's pride and joy. He lovingly dusted off every speck of dust and dirt wherever they settled in for the night. The weather was perfect with sunny days, very few clouds to block out the stars at night.
"This is the life, Ethel," he told her in his squeaky voice. "What a perfect way to start our retirement! We'll never forget this trip, honey."
"You know it! I'll record our new style of living every chance I get," Ethel replied.
As they arrived at the park's entrance
they saw an ostrich walking up and down the line of cars. The
big bird would sometimes stop and peek into an open window, hoping
to find a snack to grab; sometimes just to examine a side mirror.
The real crowd-pleaser was Jumbo, a curious young
elephant, slowly making his way down the line, not particularly
attracted to any one vehicle--that is until he came alongside
Goliath. Maybe elephants like the color red. Maybe they like
big trucks. What ever the case was for Jumbos he briefly gave
Goliath a once-over with his trunk and sat down on the driver’s
side of the front bumper. I guess you could say the truck and
the elephant bonded.
“NO! NO! Get that damned elephant off my new truck,” Fred shouted, squeakily, at the stunned animal handler.
“Up, Jumbo, up right now!” the trainer commanded.
“Somebody get me out of this rig! I’ve got to get pictures of this! I want out!” Ethel cried. She was excited, yet she was ready and anxious to record this catastrophe.
Finally, after what Fred felt was at least an hour, Jumbo obeyed the handler’s commands. He was the only calm member on the scene. A few brave visitors had gotten out of their cars to get a better view, to take photos, to make their brain comprehend what their eyes were seeing.
Other handlers and park employees ran to the rescue shouting, “Please, don’t leave your cars! Don’t go near the elephant!”
“Sir, I’m so sorry that Jumbo sat on your truck. Now let me assure you that we’re fully covered for such damages like this. I assure you, you won’t have to pay a single cent for the repairs. Please come with me and we’ll get the insurance papers filled out and submit a claim for you,” the handler said.
Fred couldn’t take his eyes off Jumbo,
who was still looking at Goliath’s bumper.
“Get that damned elephant away from my truck!”
said Fred as the handler coaxed Jumbo to come away from the scene.
“Hold on! I’ve got to get my own photos of this!” Ethel kept a safe distance while shooting the scene as Jumbo nonchalantly looked all around.
The park’s manager entered the setting, trying to set an example of calmness.
“I’m very sorry for this, sir. May I ask that you move your truck off of this road and over to the building ahead?”
After filling out reams of insurance forms and exchanging park and visitor identification, Fred and Ethel decided they’d seen enough animals. Goliath’s engine wasn’t damaged and one headlight was not broken, so they just wanted to start the northward trip back home to Idaho.
It was barely dusk when a California State Trooper pulled Fred over.
“Sir, surely you know you’ve only got one working headlight. That’s an unsafe driving condition, which means I’ll have to cite you.”
“Officer," Fred began, "I do know that, but you see, an elephant sat --”
“Oh, you’re a wise guy, huh? That story will cost you another citation.”
Fred had nothing more to say. He continued driving until they left the Malibu area before stopping.
For the next two days it was quiet. Now and then they would pull into a rest stop area to switch drivers, while the other one would sleep in the camper.
They had come to a place about 150 miles
from an exit that would eventually take
them back into Idaho. Fred woke up and decided he’d go to
the men’s room. Ethel hadn’t realized he left the truck.
Fred had no idea he’d step outside just as she re-entered
the freeway.
Waving his arms and shouting out her name did him no good. “Oh, Lord, what next?” he asked himself just as a long-haul trucker pulled in. The trucker asked what was the problem and offered Fred a ride.
“You’re in luck, mister. I have to go through Spokane and Coeur d’Alene before I reach my final destination. Hop in and we’ll see if we can catch up with her.”
No such luck.
A few hours later Fred was delivered to his front door. “I know your wife will be glad to find you here, not lost somewhere,” said the truckerk.
“Oh, great. I left my keys in the truck. It’s got my house keys, too.”
The good Samaritan bid Fred farewell. Fred sat down on the front step and was lighting up a Camel, when he saw Ethel round the corner, then enter their driveway. Totally stunned and amazed, she couldn’t move her foot from the gas to the brake, which resulted in crashing Goliath through the garage door without stopping.
With Fred’s help she got out, picked
up her camera and recorded another
scene of disaster.
Remember in the beginning of their vacation Fred predicted this would be one trip they’d never forget? He was right. They have no plans of revisiting the animal park, because an elephant never forgets either.
©2010 by Patricia J. Geister. This column was first posted April 19, 2010.
TO ACCESS PATRICIA J. GEISTER'S ARCHIVE OF COLUMNS ON THIS SITE, CLICK HERE: GEISTER ARCHIVE
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