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YEAR SIX BEGINS |
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WITH US SINCE YEAR THREE |
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for A WEDDING
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Can she work a shaved head into the ceremony?
of TheColumnists.com
There's no such
thing as a problem-free plan for a wedding. I did most of the
work and running around for ours 18 years ago. Everything began
so perfectly...then, two weeks prior to the big day, life stepped
in.
All the clothes and shoe shopping trips for myself, my daughter
(Fern) and grand child (Jeanetta), Mom and my stepdad and my
Uncle Jim had taken time and energy, as to be expected. Ours
was a Valentine Day wedding, but red isn’t appropriate for
the bride.
I settled for shades of rose and pink for all of the women. A
wedding coordinator had told me I could wear white or ivory if
I chose. That didn’t make conventional sense for my third
and final walk down the aisle, so I selected a dusty rose. Rupert’s
mother informed me she already had her heart set on wearing a
red blouse and long, white skirt. Fine. The only important thing
was that she would be there, no matter what she was wearing.
One evening after work the minute I stepped inside our back door
I heard Mom’s voice on the answering machine. Her slow,
southern drawl made it easy for me to get to the phone before
she hung up.
“Mom, hi. What’s up?”
“Oh! I was just telling you I’ll need 10 wedding invitations
to mail out to some of my friends and neighbors. Do you have
enough for me?”
We talked a few minutes longer.
“I almost forgot to tell you something. Have you talked
to Fern today?”
No, I hadn’t.
“Then you don’t know she had her head shaved,”
she laughed.
“Is this a joke you two cooked up on me? Mom, I don’t
need this.”
Now she was really laughing. “No, it’s no joke. Bless
her heart, she wanted a perm before the wedding. Something happened
during the processing and the stylist tried to cut it short to
make it look better. She said it was so fried and looked so bad,
she decided to shave her head and let it all grow in new.”
“You’re kidding me, right? You two thought this was
funny?”
“Now, don’t worry. Bill went to K-Mart and bought her
a wig, but he had to get it in red, not black like her own hair.”
Dear God! I had visions of Bozo the Clownette in a dress passing
herself off as a hostess at my wedding. Would she have a red
nose and oversized shoes, too?
“Mom, I can’t have her in something like that! Oh,
great! And I thought all of my shopping was done. Are you really
serious about this?”
“All I know is what she told me. She doesn’t want you
to be mad at her. Don’t get upset with her. She couldn’t
help it.”
“I’ll handle it. Let me call her now and find out about
this mess.”
I was in denial. She wouldn’t have her head shaved. Would
she? She did, she really did. And that red wig--the wig from
hell--was a cross between Bozo and Raggedy Ann. For Halloween,
perfect. My wedding, no.
The weekend was near, and off to the mall we went. One department
store did carry wigs in their ladies' hat section. The selection
wasn’t all that attractive, but at least we found some in
brunette. We expected to have her sit before a mirror, like other
customers, and try them on. No, the clerk said she had to take
them to a dressing room, across the floor, and put them on. Since
there were three of us, only two could go into that area at a
time. Come on! I chose to stay there and let her take Jeanetta
with her, thinking she’d choose one and come back. No, she
wanted me to give my opinion on them, which meant she went back
and forth. All of them were depressing sights, really.
Remember how Minnie Pearl wore a hat with the price tag dangling?
Fern came back to show me the last one, and when I saw the dangling
tag, I broke out laughing. Poor girl, she was nervous and self-conscious,
but that made her laugh, too.
Not the clerk, she got mad at us. She marched up and said, “How
dare you insult my customer’s hat!”
“What are you talking about? My daughter and I are laughing
at the wig.” She left in a huff.
Seattle has a variety of large malls, thank goodness. The next
day we went to an even bigger one that has a wonderful wig shop.
Fern, poor thing, was subjected to more humiliation when the
solicitous clerk thought she had lost her hair to cancer treatment.
Rather than tell her the gory details, we didn’t bother
to correct her.
Fern chose a beautiful wig of human hair that was fitted and
styled to her liking. She looked beautiful. Success at last!
Looking back after all these years, it wasn’t all that tragic.
Many weddings have their problems. Some things are funny only
when they happen to other people. How come we had to be the other
people?
©2004 by Patricia
J. Geister. The illustration is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection,
1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA.
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