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and LONELY NIGHTS AN OPEN LETTER TO READERS FROM OUR CRUISING COLUMNIST
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How one widow returned
to the 2007 dating scene
of TheColumnists.com
Dear Readers,
I became a widow in May 2005. Between then and June 2006 it never
occurred to me that I'd ever again want companionship of more
than family, friends and Lilybaby, my cat. Silly me! For 20 years
of a happy, loving relationship and marriage, I sincerely believed
St. Rupert the Husband and I would be together forever. Well,
we were. The difference was that forever doesn't last as long
as I thought it would. That's what happens when one forgets we're
dealing with honest-to-goodness real life, not a fairy tale.
Mother Nature reared her bleached-blonde head to inform me I
was not the only woman in the world who was alone. She added
the footnote that I hadn't entered a convent; that it was fine
for me to re-enter society as a single woman seeking companionship
of a single man.
"Where are they to be found? Do they exist in my age range?
Tell me what to do."
"Grow up," she commanded, scratching her head with
a sadly bent magic wand.
"Like you've forgotten all the singles ads you wrote for
your paying customers before the Internet came along? Maybe you're
expecting me to do all the work for you, all ready? Oi vey!"
With that she was first massaging her hips, then scratching under
her nose. "What makes you think I'm supposed to retrain
you, meshuginas?"
"Hey, Ma, I was a lot younger the last time I went man hunting.
I've changed. Times have changed."
"And maybe you think men have changed? Not a chance, girly!
Let me tell you, they still come in all sizes, all ages, with
the same factory installed equipment. Only now today's man can
choose to jazz himself up with enhancement pills. For crying
out loud, you telling me you didn't know?"
Hey, she was right! I took her advice--well, most of it. I paid
to get on a couple of the more popular sites that cater to all
ages. I didn't have any real hope of finding or attracting men
at this age in life. I mean, who wants an older woman?
Men of all ages, that's who.
June 2007: By now I've received responses from over 2,000 men,
mostly here in the United States. Talk about a boost to the ego...holy
cow!
A great deal of them do come across in print as good guys. I
must admit there are those, which is to be expected, who make
it clear they're only out for a quick fix in the sack. Hey, that's
honest and they're entitled to find what they they seek.
I've been approached by the amateur as well as the professional
scam artists. Mainly, I'm told, these people are sitting in boiler
room situations in foreign countries. They have a script to follow,
a list of sites to hack into, all sorts of photos supposedly
of themselves to send the suckers. If they find a woman victim,
they pretend to be a man. If the victim is a man, they pretend
to be a woman. A woman alone, especially a widow like myself,
is assumed to be gullible, incurably lonely, has a fortune in
ready cash she'll force the bad guy to accept--usually in the
form of a moneygram to places like an African country.
Earlier this year I was approached by a man in the form of an
Instant Message while I was online, but not on a singles site.
I had no idea anyone could do this unless I had given them my
information and permission.
Wrong, terribly wrong.
This man said his first name was James.
I won't mention his supposedly last name in case there is a real
man with that name. Along with a very clear, color photo of supposedly
himself, he gave me what I now know is a very familiar story
in the game: He's a widower, the wife died in an auto crash,
he was left to raise their son who now is a student in a small,
European university.
After reading my profile and seeing my gorgeous photo, he knew
I was the answer to his prayers. Sure, for enough money, anyone
could be. He was madly, hopelessly, forever and ever in love
with me and only me. He was an Englishman with passports both
from the United Kingdom and the United States because his late
wife was an American citizen and they had lived in Idaho. At
the time this con game started he claimed to be somewhere in
Australia rebuilding an oil refinery. You see, he was a millionaire
contractor with a history of huge finished projects all over
the world.
To seal the deal I was supposed to keep our love affair secret
from the entire world. I wasn't even supposed to tell my family.
Hello...What deal? What love affair? No way could I be that dumb.
Well, yes, I found out I was a little out of touch with this
"new" side of today's world.
The next week I received a registered letter with my correct
name, correct address, containing two checks that totaled over
$500,000, written on American banks. I was scared silly! My telephone
listing doesn't have my address on it. What I found out was,
even though in the local directory it doesn't, in the white pages
online, it does. Now, do you think I could get them to delete
that? No.
I'll bet you're not surprised to hear the checks are beautiful
forgeries. And, no, I didn't even try to cash them. I did tell
my banker and the FBI/Home Security task force on Internet Fraud.
Following that I informed (whoever he is) that my sons found
out about him because I told them about the checks. As a result
of that they were so upset with me that they completely took
over my finances, cancelled my credit cards, closed out my bank
accounts, so that now I can't spend a dime they don't give me.
If ever I try to meet another man this way, they will have me
declared mentally incompetent and lock me away in a rubber room.
Yeah, right, like you can imagine me letting anyone on the face
of the earth have control of my pennies. It worked with what's-his-name,
though. He did disappear, hopefully never to return to my email.
About the guys I've met: I'll begin with the most surprising
one.
Tom is 52, tall, built like Arnie the Governator used to be, good looking, could charm the birds out of the trees. He lives within the prescribed distance in miles I will travel, and we emailed and called for a few weeks before meeting in person. The arrangement was that I'd show up at his house on Saturday morning all ready for us to go to a big fair in his area. I parked on the street, walked to the door, rang the doorbell....and was greeted by a tall, gorgeous man who wore his best smile. That's all. His best smile.
"Uh, uh, are you ready to go?"
Pointing downward he replied, "Yeah,
baby, I'm ready. Take a look."
You betcha I looked! "I'll be waiting in my car," I
told him. "If you're dressed and outside in 20 minutes,
we'll go."
Damn, I didn't believe it really happened. I mean, not to me.
Should I wait the 20 minutes, and if he appears fully dressed,
should I act like nothing happened and go with him? Should I
drive away right now and forget the entire episode? Should I
give him 30 minutes, go back to the door, tell him to forget
going to the fair, that I'm ready, too? Much to your dismay,
I reverted to cowardice (my true nature) and drove away.
During then and now I've met some very nice, honest men. Five
of them have proposed marriage. I seriously considered marrying
one until I found out he was putting the moves on my younger
sister, too. He swore up and down he had no idea she and I were
related. Sounds a lot like, "This isn't what you think it
is," to me.
Maybe I'll find Mr. I-can't-live-without-you and maybe I won't.
Until then I'm having a helluva good time. Hey, I can't possibly
continue to attract all of the men in the world too much longer.
While it either lasts, or when the right man says I'm the right
woman and decorates my left hand ring finger with the accepted,
traditional symbol, I'm gonna keep right on wowing them.
Sincerely,
Pat
the crazy, cruising columnist.
p.s. Wish me luck.
©2007 by Patricia J. Geister. The illustrations are from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted Aug. 20, 2007.
You
can comment on this column online. Please address your message
to either "The Editors" or Patricia J. Geister. To
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