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Some possible reasons
to consult Dr. Freud
By GORDON GREB
of TheColumnists.com
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The following is a private, privileged letter from Prof. Greb to a noted psychiatrist. Prof. Greb has agreed to make it public in order to help others recognize their own symptoms. |
Dear Dr. Sigmund Freud,
My wife tells me I should see you immediately. Lately here’s what’s been happening:
(1) My hearing is improved. An audiologist
has given me tiny, nearly invisible aids to stick in both ears.
But the batteries go dead just when Bush, Chaney, Rove,
Limbaugh, etc. are about to speak. Yet I seem to know what they’re
going to say anyway. Is this a sign of something?
(2) My eyesight is improved. My ophthalmologist prescribed drops to impede the development of glaucoma. But every time I’ve thrown the bottle at the TV screen it hits Bush squarely in the face without my needing to use a single drop. Is this a sign of something?
(3) My aching back is improved. My internist recommended using a portable, electrified pillow. But it vibrates so loudly during the news I can’t hear anything or see anything the President is saying on television. Still, this somehow relieves me from having a possible headache. Is this a sign of something?
(4) My attention deficit problem is improved. But my unwillingness to stay tuned to over-commercialized radio and TV and turning the sets off has created such a huge silence that I find myself shouting loudly and filling the room with so much non-stop complaining and commentary that it forces my wife to go to another room. Is this a sign of something?
(5) Finally my automobile is broken down. When the mechanic learned that up to the election on November 7th I’d been having an increasing number of appointments to see my cardiologist, dentist, optometrist, ophthalmologist, internist, radiologist, clinicians, etc., he gave me a stern warning, “With all your driving around, your car isn’t going to last much longer the way you’re going.” Is this a sign of something?
Although I’m improved after those new remedies recently given to the body politic, my wife insisted I write you. But unless you make house calls, don’t bother making an appointment. I can’t afford to go anywhere these days anyway with the gasoline prices being what they are.
Signed: A Somewhat Surprised Recovering
Academic
©2006 by Gordon Greb. The illustration
is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd.
E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted
Dec, 4, 2006.
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