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alma mater recipe
We owe the Greeks for
our anniversary spirits
By GORDON GREB
of TheColumnists.com
The art of cooking was best appreciated by the ancient
Greek poet and teacher Lycus, who was born in Sparta in 469 B.C.
He always credited his culinary inspiration to fine wines. Thus
we should give thanks today for finding his “Great Anniversary
Formula.”
Nobody in Greece in the
old days knew the source of his fine spirits, although they observed
Lycus going frequently to the port of Piraeus where wine merchants
took delivery of the jugs. Also people knew he had a great Oedipus
complex because Lycus was constantly telling everyone, “All
that I am I owe to my darling mother.” Every recipe, he
said, should be credited to his Alma Mater. While this expression
may seem
strange to some--perhaps Greek to most--the words are actually
Latin.
The full meaning is now known, thanks to modern scholars who found his cookbooks at the bottom of jars holding Dead Sea Scrolls in caves of the Middle East.
According to Lycus, he was walking one day with Socrates after both men had done quite a bit of wine tasting and he began to blurt out his secret to fine anniversary spirit-making. Curious, Socrates, asked a leading question, “Is not the life we lead simply a bowl of cherries?” Not to be trapped by the philosopher's clever use of the Socratic method, Lycus replied, “No, old friend. Good cooking is like fine wine, needing time, attention and care.”
To this Socrates agreed.
He also nodded approval when he heard Lycus praise Plato for
accompanying Lycus to write down and preserve these wonderful
recipes on
parchment, listening carefully to every word Lycus uttered as
he prepared his famous barbecues near the Gymnasium in Athens.
Later when young Napoleon of France found a portion of “Plato’s
Recipes” in Egypt, he put one of them to his own use, which
was--“An army moves on its stomach.”
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scribe to honorable Lycus. He has written down these recipes, which I and my descendants will pass along for centuries to come... Please take notes because you'll have a quick quiz on them before semester break!" |
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Lycus (the word “like” comes from his name) always said “Life is like good food. First, you need to pick a lot of eager young fruit and introduce them to a variety of other virgin products, watch while they are collectively heated, and serve when they are said to be well done by a master chef. If this process eventually brings out their natural flavors, you’ll know you have succeeded."
This recipe is useful anytime. And when you use it, give thanks to Lycus for helping raise our spirits, including those of our own Alma Mater!
LYCUS’ SECRET SPIRITS RECIPE
Mix a number of Good Eggs into a large American melting pot,
Add and stir in ample cups of Milk of Human Kindness,
Donate generous servings of Walt Whitman's “Leaves of Grass,” Mark Twain’s “Roughing It,” and other examples of flora borealis,
Enliven with a potpourri of samplings from the Tree of Knowledge and Book of Life,
Make sure to completely drain out all drops of the Grapes of Wrath,
Taste to be sure there is a proper balance between Bitters and Sweets,
Keep stirring slowly four years or longer, if needed,
Let simmer for another 25 or 30.
Serve to all parties having loving cups in the hope they will have thoughts of giving thanks to the founder of the feast not here to appreciate the results of what detractors hitherto have referred to as a Wise Old Turkey.
©2004 by Gordon Greb. The illustrations are from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA.
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