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What would Cary Grant
have done in my place?
of TheColumnists.com
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When he was told
by an interviewer one time, “Everybody would like to be
Cary Grant,” Cary Grant is reported to have said, “So
would I.” Well, recently it happened to me.
After months of negotiations, signing of contracts, choosing
costumes, finalizing travel arrangements, and setting a date
for my first “shoot,” I finally found myself on a set,
co-starring with one of the most gorgeous young ladies I’ve
ever seen outside of Hollywood. Her name is Elyse Luray.
The trouble with being placed opposite her and being told by
the director to keep staring straight into her perfectly lovely
face was that this situation cast a spell over me. As I saw her
smiling deliciously back at me, I couldn’t help wondering,
“Is this what Cary Grant went through making movies and
how could he stand it?”
As everybody by now knows there's a lot of “Let’s do
another take” in moviemaking. As the sound man adjusted
his dials, the cameraman got his lens in focus, and the director
lined up the next “take,” I was told to sit as close
as possible to this lovely creature who wiggled when she walked
on high heels. Neither she nor I argued one bit about our close
proximity to one another but it got to be so intimate that I
sometimes trembled when she accidentally touched my leg with
her hand and I’d accidentally touch hers.
Ordered to remain this way for one take after another, I soon
began to enjoy looking at her face. As I studied it from every
angle I got to know each and every one of its perfect features.
She had wildly attractive brown eyes and lovely coiffured hair.
A perky small nose. Rosy lips. Smooth skin. And perfectly shaped
head, neck and shoulders. Her voice was soothing and her touch
thrilling. Being only inches away from her lips I could almost
feel her heart beating with mine as we held the pose.
Over and over we delivered our lines. The director never seemed
satisfied. Whatever he wanted changed, he always insisted that
we stay where we were, continue looking at each other and to
keep smiling. Right from the start the director told me, “I
like your vitality.” What nobody knew except me was what
was arousing it and keeping it going.
The effect in this situation was mesmerizing. I had lots of time
to think as the two of us stayed close together but after awhile
it began to have a hypnotic effect on me. It seemed unbelievable
but as this situation continued minute after minute the feeling
was growing that the two of us were falling madly in love.
With hot blood coursing through my veins I began to want to grab
this woman, smother her with kisses, and demonstrate to film
audiences everywhere how to be a real man. I became eager to
embrace this enticing creature to end our agony and to make wild
love to her in front of the whole world. At last, I thought,
I could become the real Cary Grant and prove to screen audiences
everywhere that you can find romance anywhere, anytime and at
any age.
Memories of an old radio program came to mind. It was the daytime
soap opera, “The Romance of Helen Trent” and I recalled
the voice of the announcer who told its listeners every day,
“The Romance of Helen Trent is the story of a woman who
sets out to prove what so many other women long to prove in their
own lives…that romance can live on at thirty-five. and even
beyond.”
Yes, love and romance can come to a person
over the age of 35. And now it was happening to me–someone
older than 35 to be sure– but enabling me to crash through
the age barrier in the 21st century.
I only hesitated to take immediate action because there was one
little lingering doubt: “Was this really happening to me
or someone else? You’re old enough to be this woman’s
grandfather.”
But then another little voice urged me
on, saying, “Forget the age differences. Opportunity only
knocks once. Grab this girl, throw her into your fuel-efficient
2006 Toyota Corolla and whisk her away like Charles Boyer or
Richard Gere to Algiers to demonstrate how much you love her.”
Meantime, Darlene, my wife was in the other room. I realized
she wouldn’t like what I was thinking or wanting to do.
She had gone to school in Van Nuys with Marilyn Monroe and had
learned early on what kind of electricity was picked up by young,
impressionable boys who bumped into the likes of a pretty girl
like this.
After entering the “studio,” Darlene look one look
at the “shoot”--as the crew rearranged the furniture
in her living room--and was totally unimpressed by how they had
moved and changed the location of our lamps, tables, chairs,
books, and even the huge television set.
Everything in the front room, kitchen, breakfast room, and hallway
had been turned upside down to create a “new set.”
So she walked away, headed toward the room most far away from
this activity and announced as she shut the door, “I’m
going to read a book.” In her hand she carried, “The
Razor’s Edge” by W. Somerset Maugham whose principal
theme was looking for the meaning of life.
This left me alone with the star. I was trying to ignore the
fact this female star’s husband may have had thoughts of
his own had he known what was going on. Although absent from
the scene, I could imagine he had seen at least one of Cary Grant’s
best movies and was ready “To Catch a Thief” the minute
he found out anything untoward was happening.
As for me, that didn’t matter. Being “on location”
oppose this attractive woman I couldn’t help thinking about
the kind of behavior Cary Grant demonstrated making movies with
Irene Dunne in “The Awful Truth” and Ingrid Bergman
in “Notorious.” As I continued to stare into my co-star’s
lovely brown eyes, I began to get a clearer idea of what Cary
Grant actually would do in similar situations. Here was my chance
to act like him and make this movie a box office bonanza. But
I hesitated.
All my life I had wanted to be a movie star. “You oughta
be in pictures” was sung on the radio when I was a kid growing
up, usually by Rudy Vallee or the Boswell Sisters. I wondered
if those lyrics would ever apply to me. That song came from the
“Ziegfeld Follies of l934” and it kept coming back
to me over and over as we were making this new movie.
But something else came to mind as well. I asked myself: Is it
possible that I’m not actually Cary Grant in “That
Touch of Mink” with Doris Day but really Tom Ewell in “The
Seven Year Itch” with Marilyn Monroe. When Tom Ewell, a
senior citizen was left home alone by his wife, he got all hot
and bothered over the femme fatale next door and imagined
all sorts of romantic possibilities with her until the absent
wife suddenly showed up and put a smashing end to all his stupid
daydreaming. He was last seen with Angela Lansbury in a 1986
episode of “Murder, She Wrote.”
Then again there was this problem of being Cary Grant. I began
to realize he couldn’t keep the same woman. He was constantly
in real life stumbling into one romance after another. He never
seemed satisfied; being married five times--four of his wives
leaving him flat and walking out--Dyan Cannon, Betsy Drake, Barbara
Hutton and Virginia Cherrill. What was the matter with the guy?
Couldn’t he stay married?
My daydreaming was interrupted by the director, who announced
the lunch break. “Okay, Gordon, where do we go?”
“Oh, I know a perfect place,” I said. “It’s
my wife’s favorite.”
”Okay, get her and let’s go.”
Darlene came from the other room and led everyone down the street
to a lovely little sandwich shop where I sat at a table with
the director, my female co-star, and my wife. But the spotlight
no longer was focused on me. It was now with these two women
who were happily engaged in animated conversation about the star’s
two children and my wife’s grandchildren.
The
Professor and Elyse Luray with the crew of "History Detectives"
after filming is done. The director may have just passed Prof.
Greb
a note saying, 'Don't call us. We'll call you."
They were ignoring me completely!
This left me with only the director and needing to say something.
“Did you know Hollywood shot ‘The Adventures of Robin
Hood' starring Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland right here
in Chico in l938?”
“Wonderful picture,” the director replied, swallowing
a piece of his salad,
“But isn’t it time we did a remake of that old classic?”
“Great idea,” I replied. “How do we get in touch
with Olivia de Havilland?”
By the time we’d finished shooting a half dozen scenes,
inside and outside, I really liked being in front of the camera.
I really loved signing a movie contract. Could I do it again?
Why not?
The episode of "History Detectives" featuring Prof. Greb is titled "World War II and HI YANK!" Check your local TV guide for the date and time of its telecast in your area.
©2008 by Gordon Greb. The caricature
of the author is by the author. The photos are courtesy of the
author and PBS. This column first posted June 16, 2008.
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