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 "Alicia is God-awful. Her mother...must be so embarrassed." |
There's No Accounting For Taste When It Comes To Certain Girl Singers...
of TheColumnists.com
As the Oakwood Heights School talent show hits the half-way point of its three hour, 57 act production, I’m amazed at the high level of performance delivered by such young kids. One third grade boy sings like a Broadway star. Countless little Asian girls execute intricate solos on a huge grand piano. Amazing they have time to practice so much after all the homework they do.
As for our daughter, Britney,
honestly, her fourth grade act is good enough for MTV. The director
is a dad who used to stage concerts for Santana and Jackson Browne.
High standards like that keep our school Number One in the district
and make all the kids look good. Therefore, I can’t understand
how anyone on the committee could allow the fifth grade girl
who follows my daughter’s class--the program says her name
is Alicia Katz--to ever set foot on that stage. She is supposed
to sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."
As Britney’s class goes off stage, the restless middle school
girls behind me start to gossip intensely. I hear them bat Alicia’s
name back and forth. You’d think they’d be talking
about Britney and the way she danced to center stage to close
off the act with a dazzling toss of her purple streaked hair.
It’s after the stage clears, that the girls shut their mouths
and give their full attention to the show. How could they appreciate
a class act when they have no class themselves?
Alicia walks on, wearing a top with rainbow colors and a diaphanous
skirt that flows behind her like mist. She stops center stage,
faces the audience, props her body against the piano, and nods
her head of perfect curls. Her slightly puffy face looks tense
at first, then relaxes as she opens her mouth to sing. She fingers
the mike clipped to her blouse and starts off: "Somewhere,
over the rainbowwww."
Alicia is God-awful. Her mother, who accompanies her, must be
so embarrassed.
I expect the kids behind me to start giggling, but they don’t.
This girl has no idea where the notes are, but she does know
the words, oh yes. She fires each one at the audience as if we’d
never heard Judy Garland do this song. "Birds fly over the
rainbowwww. . ." Everyone in our row of family looks at
one another. The grandparents mutter, "Where's the hook?"
The aunts and uncles count the number of acts until our Jason
does his tap dance. I decide to talk to our daughter later. "Who
let the dogs out?" I'll ask on the way home. "Does
anyone screen these acts? Do any of the kids laugh at this girl?"
Britney is still panting from moving so fast to get to her seat
in time for this act.
Finally Alicia trills up the final lines, "Why, oh why can't
Iyyyy?" When she's done, she brings down the house. The
kids behind us–who have never clapped yet–join the
rest of the audience in bravos and torrents of applause. Alicia
bows deeply. Her curls are part of a wig that slips to the side
when she raises her head.
Britney puts down our binoculars and says, "Alicia's real
hair is just starting to grow back."
©2004 by Joyce Kiefer. The illustration is from IMSI's Master
Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506,
USA.
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