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 LEN KLEMPNAUER

 

 THE CHALLENGES OF ENGLISH

PROF. KLUMPNIK'S ENGLISH FOR THE FOREIGN BORN
 

 "Tomorrow we'll learn the English word 'GET.' Did you know you can use the word GET in as many ways as their are students in this classroom. You must learn how to use this word properly! I don't care if you GET a cold or have to GET a package for your Mama on your way to class, you will not pass this course if you don't GET the meaning of the word GET! Fail me and you can all GET lost!"

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
Pity all who must learn it as a second language

By LEN KLEMPNAUER
of TheColumnists.com


Everyone raised in the United States should be thankful. Oh, not because we reign as the most powerful nation in the world or own the globe’s wealthiest economy or enjoy freedoms that people in so many countries can only imagine in their fantasies.

No, we should be grateful because we don’t have to learn English as a second language.

Any American who has learned a foreign language or, in my case, tried to learn a foreign language--three years of high school Spanish and three years of college German--learns that other languages have rules to actually follow in grammar and spelling. Not so for English. You probably remember one of the simplest English rules our teachers taught us early on: “i” before “e” except after “c.” But not always.
In English, rules are made to be broken.

We do have one thing going for us, however, that continues in other European languages. Whether in the familiar or polite forms of address, we use only one word: “you.” Or a variant: “your.“ Long ago we jettisoned “thou, thee, thine, thy,” the English versions of the familiar form of address.

Even in Europe, English must be the most difficult for foreigners to learn to speak fluently. The simpler the English word, it seems, the more difficult it is to define and understand. Take, for example, one of our most common little words: “get.”

* Get lost and get out of here (leave) or, in a different context, get out of here (you’re kidding me).

* Get me a drink (fetch) or I got my drink (possess).

* I get cold every winter (become) or I get a cold every winter (contract).

* I got a book for my birthday (receive) or I got a book from the library (obtain).

* I got it (understand) or, in baseball, I got it (orally waving off teammates for a fly ball).

* Get me to the church on time (deliver).

If you go to a dictionary, you’ll get a lot more meanings for “get.”

If definitions of even our simplest words challenge English learners, imagine how vexing pronunciation must be for them. Could any word be more difficult for foreigners to learn to pronounce correctly than any word containing the letters “ough?” Take a look at the following sentence:

“A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”

That’s nine . . . count ‘em . . . nine different ways to pronounce “ough,” although a couple are virtually limited to English speakers in England.

I’d like to claim credit for composing the example above. But I can’t. I found it at a United Kingdom web site called, “Have Fun with English,” at:
www.fun-with-english.co.uk

Maybe we Americans take for granted that English is easy to learn because so many people speak it worldwide. We should thank the 19th Century colonialist Brits for spreading it. Once upon a time the sun supposedly never set on the British Empire. And for those countries the Brits passed up, we followed up by becoming the world’s super power after World War Two, a century or two later.

So, why should we bother to learn a foreign language when everybody else is learning English?

During my first visit to Europe in 1964 people I met in just about every country frequently asked, “Why don’t you Americans ever learn to speak a foreign language?”

My answer was simple: “Which one?”

That seemed to stump them.

About a year after my European vacation, a colleague at the newspaper I worked for took his first trip to The Continent. He was to visit six different countries and prepared by studying the language of each country. Well, not exactly the entire language. He targeted one word, and learned how to spell and pronounce it perfectly in each language so that he would never be misinterpreted.

The word was
“eel.”

The Dutch, I discovered during my trip, do languages properly. They start teaching English to children in the first grade. As one Hollander told me, “We have to. Nobody is going to learn Dutch.”

We wait too long. We, too, should start teaching our kids a foreign language in first grade. Which one? I’d recommend Chinese, the way their economy seems to be growing. And China is homeland to one helluva lot of people.

Maybe someday we might be manufacturing products again and start exporting stuff to them. It might be helpful if we could speak their language.

That’s enough for this week. I'v got to get out of here. I've got to go.

©2007 by Len Klempnauer. The cartoon illustration is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted May 28, 2007.


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