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McFadden |
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of an OSCAR SLACKER |
 my dress designer for keeping all my hidden assets from spilling out on camera!" |
He'll watch the Oscars,
hoping for miracles
of TheColumnists.com
I have not seen any of the films nominated for Best Picture this year. That is not a point of perverse pride with me. It just happened that way. I’ll undoubtedly see at least some of them, post-Oscar, whether they win or not. Some of them sound like terrific films.
I’ll probably watch ABC’s televised show on March 23 as well. The Oscarcast is usually fun television, even though the critics line up every year to lambast it.
It’s probably a legitimate
question why anyone would watch the outcome of a competition
where the winners have so often not been the year’s best
picture, best performance and so on. Every year around Oscar
time, newspapers run feature stories on marvelous films that
have stood the test of time, but didn’t win Oscars.
There are also winners that by now look awful. Cavalcade in
1933 is an outstanding example of an Oscar winner that now looks
pretty bad, even allowing for the passage of 70 years. Same thing
for actors. Some of the best never seem to win. Moreover, fierce
and sometimes underhanded campaigns have been waged on behalf
of nominees, making you wonder if it’s all pure artistry.
Still, it’s a great show and everyone has a marvelous time. I am always touched when the host, or the people entrusted with the magic envelope, painstakingly explain what’s involved, and how important some of the lesser-known categories are. I hope they keep the remaining lesser-known categories on television, because explaining them every year, and reassuring the television audience that the magic of movies would be lessened without them, gives the whole shebang more integrity.
The usual questions will be uppermost in my mind and I’ll bet in yours, too.
I will wonder if the advanced engineering obviously present in the top half of the outfits worn by the some of the nominated and not-nominated actresses will withstand the supreme test of containment vs. the Law of Gravity. Some have come close to structural failure in the past. A certain percentage of the male audience will adopt the following philosophical outlook: There’s always hope.
I will wonder, along with everyone else, if this time someone is really going to be so unrestrained as to embarrass themselves beyond all measure in their acceptance speech. The bar has been set pretty high.
I will wonder if the red carpet, on-the-way-into-the-auditorium interviews will hit a new low for oleaginous, sycophantic inanity. They’ll have to go some to beat past performances.
And, of course, the supreme question: will any of the acceptance speeches revolve around Iraq, war, peace and President Bush?
The answer to that last is: You bet.
Remember Marlon Brando not showing up to accept his much-deserved Oscar for his performance in The Godfather, and sending an Indian princess instead to make a political statement?
Well, you ain’t seen nothing yet compared to what’s going to be poured out by movie idols come March 23.
What’s really interesting is if anyone is going to say that it’s a splendid notion to go to war against Iraq; “Give War a Chance.”
Not likely. It’ll probably be a series of pleas for peace.
And do you suppose anyone is going to dump on France?
Again, not likely. I’ll bet someone says “Vive la France!” before the evening is out.
Will anyone register shock, anger and disappointment at not winning? Remember, all nominees present in the hall will be televised live with ABC’s merciless five-way split-screen announcement-reaction shot.
As our friend Bette Davis
once said: “Fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be
a bumpy night.”
©2003 by Charles M. McFadden. The McFadden caricature is
©2001 by Jim Hummel. The illustration is modified from an
illustration in IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco
Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. The "Oscar"
logo and the phrase "Academy Awards" are the registered
trademarks of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences.
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