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McFadden |
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FROM THE LOUVRE
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Many feel Bush-era tourists
would be shocked anyway
By CHUCK McFADDEN
of TheColumnists.com
Paris, France
Acting only a few weeks after the U.S. presidential
election, officials announced today they would bar Americans
from visiting the Louvre, France’s most famous art museum.
“While we are sure there are many responsible, decent Americans who are a credit to their nationality, the fact remains that any nation containing 59 million people who voted for George Bush cannot be considered civilized,” a Louvre spokesman said.
“We believe these people would be happier at Euro Disneyland anyway,” the spokesman added.
The ban will include Americans from San Francisco and Massachusetts, the spokesman said. American comedian Jerry Lewis will be given special dispensation to visit the museum.
The State Department declined to comment. A member of the Texas legislature, however, said most Americans would not miss visits to the museum.
“What have they got there except a bunch of naked women statues and dirty pictures?” he asked. “Americans who have moral values don’t need that sort of thing. Besides, the French people are known to engage in all kinds of depraved activities. They speak through their noses, for instance.”
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Moral Majority claims the infamous Venus De Milo should be removed from public view because it causes salacious thoughts in the minds of men who desire sex with giant bare-breasted female amputees. |
Observers on both sides
of the Atlantic said they feared an underground market in Louvre
art works reproductions would quickly spring up among American
tourists. One American said she had already seen a man standing
outside the Louvre open his overcoat to reveal pockets filled
with postcards featuring the Venus de Milo.
“It was simply scandalous,” she said. “That woman
didn’t have a thing on above the waist. I’m certainly
glad my family and I weren’t exposed to that sort of filth,
or the Mona Lisa, whatever that is.”
The Louvre’s ban on American visitors came a week after a fundamentalist Christian group in North Carolina called “The Red State Revivalists” said they would begin distributing thousands of copies of the Bible in France.
“It has become quite apparent that the French are in dire need of Christian missionary enlightenment,” a Revivalist spokesman said. “I know for a fact that some of those statues on public display in Paris reveal women’s--well, chests. Some of the statues of men are even worse.
“Since we are proud to be from one of the so-called ‘red states,’ we thought it would be appropriate to cover these holy volumes in red vinyl,” the spokesman added. “We plan to call these Bibles ‘the little red books.’”
Asked if the Bibles were printed in French, the spokesman said “Of course not. We’re decent people.”
©2004 by Charles M.
McFadden. The McFadden caricature is ©2001 by Jim Hummel.
The illustrations are from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895
Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA.
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