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IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT |
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How can a fat Santa be a good role model for kids?
of TheColumnists.com
Have you noticed?
Christmas is controversial.
Quite a while back, it was legal arguments about whether the
Nativity Scene should be allowed in public space during the Christmas
season. Taxpayer dollars should not be used to support one particular
religious holiday, the argument went.
Then, more recently, the radio ranters got their shorts in a
twist over a drummed-up left-wing anti-God movement to “take
the ‘Christ’ out of Christmas.”
Well now. Against a backdrop of lead-tainted toys, this year
has its very own Christmas movement. Santa is too fat. He needs
to slim down. Get fit. Set a good example, especially for the
nation’s children.
In the United States, the Slim Santa movement seems to be headed
up by Acting U.S. Surgeon General Steven Galston, who says, "It
is really important that the people who kids look up to as role
models are in good shape. Eating well and getting exercise is
absolutely critical."
Santa is a role model? When I was a little kid, he was sort of
judge and jury about my behavior over the past year. Remember?
“You better not pout, you better not cry, I’m tellin’
you why…so be good for goodness’ sake!”
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But we think your diet's pretty bad. You're such a big fat tub of lard, You may drop dead in our front yard. Why don't you use some self control And set yourself a weight-loss goal? You'll feel better right away And live to "ho-ho-ho" another day!" Your Friends, Chris and Pat, The McFadden Kids |
Role model, schmole model. I never thought of emulating Santa. Who did? I cared little about his worldview. I really didn’t give a hoot if he ate well and spent time on the ol’ treadmill. His cholesterol reading was of no interest to me, even if I and my parents had known what cholesterol was. Just bring me lots of presents, was my mantra. I could not have cared less if he had a tummy that shook like a bowl full of jelly.
The effort to get Santa to shape up is not confined to the United States. In Britain, at least one shopping centre has set up a Santa boot camp, where would-be store Santas go to lose weight and gain--I mean acquire--a more svelte appearance.
Santa will still be jolly, said a centre spokeswoman. Just skinnier, ho, ho. Kind of like the airlines back in the 40s and 50s, when they booted flight attendants (stewardesses then) if they put on a few more pounds than the airline thought attractive.
There were jokes among kids years ago about how difficult it must be for Santa to fit down a chimney, as rotund as he was. And there were those overachievers who left cookies and milk in the living room for the jolly elf. (The world will always have suck-ups.)
Maybe nowadays they leave nonfat milk and sugarless cookies. Poor Santa.
The whole thing is a bit much. We need some comfort-food icons in our unsettled and hard-driving age. The smiling, rosy-cheeked, white-bearded and chubby Santa in all those years of Coca-Cola ads fills the bill admirably.
The Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas has not been idle in all this. (There really is such an organization; its newsletter is The Jingle Press.) Nicholas Trolli Sr., the AORBS president, has issued a “letter to the world” saying that yes, it’s important that Santas maintain good health for themselves, and yes, it’s true that too many of our children are overweight. He said, “So if Santa being the well known icon that he is has to lead the way and show the children a positive role model in this obesity epidemic, well than let’s get rolling.”
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Running
late on his big night, He finds most chimneys way too tight. So Santa swallows all his pride And lets Fed Ex complete his ride. |
He concluded his letter with this paragraph:
“As one of our members has recently said, "While belly sizes vary from one member of AORBS to the next … we are all as different as Snowflakes. The main thing that should always come in XXLarge or larger, is Santa's Heart."
Despite Mr. Trolli’s and the surgeon-general’s good intentions, I somehow doubt that many of today’s children go around muttering to themselves, “Well, Santa Claus is fat, so I guess it’s OK for me to have that extra order of French fries. And maybe another milk shake. Chocolate this time.”
Charlie Gibson of ABC news pointed out in his story about the whole shape-up-Santa movement that it wasn’t too long ago that Santa was not only fat, he smoked a pipe as well. Now he doesn’t. That’s progress, isn’t it?
No sign yet that the surgeon-general is worried about the body-mass index of the Easter Bunny, but what about all those cholesterol-laden eggs?
©2007 by Charles M. McFadden. The McFadden caricature is ©2001 by Jim Hummel. The cartoons are from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted Dec. 17, 2007.
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