News Note
Though Arnold Schwarzenegger now denies he'll seek the Republican nomination for governor of California in 2002, that doesn't stop our Chuck McFadden from speculating on what might have been...
 "Hasta la vista, Democrats!" |
sizes up His First Term |
Having an action figure governor may save taxpayers much moola
With a butt-kicking governor, California
no longer will need a National Guard
By
CHUCK McFADDEN
of TheColumnists.com
IT WAS A cold evening in that December of 2008, but inside the private room in a restaurant near the state Capitol, it was warm and cozy. Two reporters, a columnist and a lobbyist were sipping eggnog and reminiscing about the governor's soon-to-end tenure in office.
"Boy, to think that seven years ago, no one thought Schwarzenegger could do it," said the first reporter. "I guess he showed them, didn't he?"
"Well, remember, it had been done before," said the political columnist, who prided herself as a historian. "Everyone laughed when Ronald Reagan ran for governor back in 1966, but look at what happened."
"Yeah, but Reagan didn't have quite the same image as The Terminator," said the second reporter. "Schwarzenegger had to overcome a perception that he tended to take things into his own hands."
They were quiet for a moment, thinking about the visit Gov. Schwarzenegger made to the power company that had raised electricity rates for three years running. The governor personally tore their corporate headquarters to shreds.
"The damn power company held down the bills after that, and legislature did what it was told," said the lobbyist. "They wanted to keep their desks in one piece."
"We were all delirious with excitement at first," said reporter number two "I think we were a little scared, too. Some measly 198-pound reporter writes something nasty? Hasta la vista, Baby."
"Don't forget the millions of bucks the state saved on not having to call out the National Guard whenever we had trouble somewhere," chimed in the columnist. "Remember how he shoved the Amtrak cars back onto the rails near Santa Barbara?"
"Speaking of the National Guard, I don't think I'll ever forget January of 2004, when the Vikings and the 49ers were both in the Superbowl," said reporter number one. "Between Gov. Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura, I thought we were gonna have to call in the Pope, or the Marines, or something."
"And that first debate, when he was campaigning," said the columnist. "Ah-nold was feeling pretty good, because he'd proven he was smart as hell, and then at the end he kind of puffed out his chest and clasped his hands above his head in a victory gesture. Remember?"
"Oh, God, those flying buttons," said the second reporter. "Took the top of the moderator's left ear off."
"Yeah, but he came back to do the other debates," said the lobbyist. "Although you couldn't hear him very well from inside that helmet."
The first reporter listened to the muffled roar of a motor on the street outside. It reminded him of something.
"Do you think Schwarzenegger won votes or lost votes over the limo thing?" he asked. "I think he won votes. Remember, they decided to get the Humvee after he accidentally ripped a new sunroof in the old limo practicing a speech on budgetary restraint."
Just then, of all people, the governor came into the room.
"At least he opened the door this time," the lobbyist thought to himself.
"Listen up, everyone," the governor said. "I need your advice on where to shorten this speech. You know how cold it gets in Washington in January, and I don't want the chief justice to catch pneumonia."
© 2001 by Charles M. McFadden. The Arnie cartoon is © 2001 by Jim Hummel. All rights reserved.
Chuck McFadden is a former political reporter who interviewed movie stars once in a while.
You can comment on this column or contact Chuck McFadden with an email to: talkback@thecolumnists.com
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