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CHUCK McFADDEN What they talk about In the Land of Open Mikes |
By
CHUCK McFADDEN
of TheColumnists.com
What?
You never knew that politicians talked shop? Well, of course
they do, just like hardware clerks and haberdashers. What do
they talk about? Well, mostly other politicians and the mistakes
they made. They talk about reporters. They talk about voters.
They talk about money. They talk about gaffes.
Right now, for instance, they're talking about George W. calling
New York Times reporter Adam Clymer what the Los Angeles Times
wonderfully referred to as a "rectal aperture."
They are telling one another: "treat every microphone as
if it's a live microphone" and nodding sagely.
Well, sure. If you want to rise to the top, don't do things like
blabbing smart-alecky comments or anally oriented opinions into
a microphone. You could go coast-to-coast.
Except, of course, one who did rise to the top -- Ronald Reagan
-- did it. Ronald Reagan, leader of the free world, president
of the United States, former governor of the largest state in
the union, veteran of thousands of media interviews, former movie
star, talked jokingly into what he thought was a dead microphone.
"The bombing starts in five minutes," said the commander
in chief.
It was during the sound level check before his weekly national
radio broadcast. The cold war with the Soviet Union was still
a reality. Two-day hullabaloo. Then everyone forgot about it.
Among themselves, politicians talk about a goof like that with
a mixture of horror and delight. Horror if it happened to them,
delight if it happens to the other guy. And the press loves such
happenings.
Remember George Romney's "I was brainwashed" comment?
Blew him right out of the race for the Republican Presidential
nomination. And of course, who could forget Jimmy Carter's Playboy
interview statement about lusting in his heart? Would either
Al or W even do a Playboy interview today? They sure wouldn't
do a fundraiser at the Playboy mansion.
Politicians, when they are talking to one another about the hazards
of their calling, do not have a love-hate relationship with the
press. They have a hate-hate relationship. Generally, they bewail
the notion that the press is constantly slobbering at them to
discuss the issues, but when they do discuss the issues, the
press doesn't pay attention, and says the politician is "boring."
There's a dichotomy here. The press does report the issues, and
frequently it does so on the front page. But at the same time,
the media are on the hunt for the flashy two-day story that results
when a candidate, through fatigue, irritability or surprising
lack of knowledge about what makes headlines, says something
provocative.
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The
press denies it, but it is heavily into "gotcha!" coverage
of politics, most politicians believe. They argue that a candidate's
verbal mistake will be on the front pages and the top of the
TV newscasts far faster than an earnest discussion of the issues.
That's true even if the goof has nothing to do with domestic
or foreign policy.
"Candidate A said today that talk show hosts are idiots
and the ones who pronounce the word 'news' as 'nyooze' made him
want to barf."
"Candidate B today unveiled his plan to adjust the fiscal
parameters of Social Security."
Guess who's going to be more prominently displayed on the evening
nyooze?
You wonder why the statements made by most candidates, including
Al and W, are so bland and cautious? It's because Al and W and
their brethren are not stupid. They do their utmost to avoid
giving the reporters who spend 14 hours a day with them on the
campaign trail the opportunity to do a "gotcha!" story
by saying something offbeat.
You have to stay "on message," insist the campaign
gurus. Otherwise, the press will go whooping off on some tangent
that you inadvertently handed them that has nothing to do with
what you're trying to get across to the voters. (Your manifest
virtues.)
So you play it safe. You don't go oddball. You don't blurt. Not
if you have your wits about you. Sometimes you don't, though,
and that's when the "gotcha!" police pounce, politicians
say.
In truth, most of the nation's newspapers not only cover the
issues, along with the nonsense, they do more - they do a good
job of analyzing the candidates' stands on the issues so that
the voter can understand it. Political writers such as David
Broder, Ron Brownstein, and Richard Berke do a terrific job of
day in, day out telling the public what it needs to know to make
an intelligent decision about candidates. It's there for anyone
who wants it.
But let a candidate ogle a beauty queen for a second too long,
or make an observation about lust in his heart, and boom! That's
what we're chattering about for at least the next 24 hours. Not
Social Security.
And that's what politicians mope over when they're fishing for
olives in their martinis. And if you can't work up a lot of sympathy,
remember that George Washington and the gang probably commiserated
with each other about some of the same problems.
© 2000 by Charles M. McFadden. The cartoon images are from
the IMSI Master/Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. East,
San Rafael, CA 94901-5506, USA.
Chuck McFadden is a former Sacramento reporter for The Associated
Press.
For more
background information on chuck mcfadden, click on the about us button below and scroll
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