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CORRIDOR OF HORROR |
DARK CORRIDORS VOL. 2, No. 32 |
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and TALKING APES? |
 Tim Roth as a Bad Ape |
Hollywood in a Groove:
The same Old, Same Old
By
RON MILLER
of TheColumnists.com
THIS SUMMER has been a test for how much we fans of psychotronic films can stand to have run through our digestive systems again. For example: Would we sit still for the third consecutive telling of the "Jurassic Park" dinosaur story and would we put up with the beginning of what may be yet another round of "Planet of the Apes" movies?
Well, I guess the answer is: We'll put up with just about anything because what choice do we have?
Both "Jurassic Park III" and the new "Planet of the Apes" have done well at the box office. Personally, I don't think this is a sign that we're getting what we want. Rather, I think it's a sign that we are dying to see big budget fantasy/sci-fi films, so we'll even turn out in large numbers for knockoffs like the two films I just mentioned.
To be sure, neither film is a disgrace, although I found myself wishing "Planet of the Apes" would get to the point a little quicker and that "Jurassic Park III" had dropped its central cliche: The obnoxious parents in search of their precocious lost kid.
Of the two, "Jurassic Park III" was more entertaining for me because it wasted little time on its march toward the big finale in the pterodactyl sanctuary. Still, I kept wondering why they didn't make better use of Laura Dern in the story and why they didn't let something big and nasty eat the little boy's mom in the first reel. And if you find yourself speculating on the physical condition of the actors--Sam Neill looked exceptionally lean and fit while the once anorexic-looking Tea Leoni still looked plump from her recent pregnancy--it's often a signal that the movie doesn't have your full attention.
As for director Tim Burton's spin on the "Apes" saga, I was disappointed. Mark Wahlberg, the new leading man, is no Charlton Heston. Ordinarily, that wouldn't necessarily be an insult, but then I'm not referring to Heston's politics. Heston was one of our best larger-than-life movie heroes--an intelligent man who also could reflect great physical presence and strength. He was the diamond core of the original "Planet of the Apes." Wahlberg doesn't reflect anything in a role that has no intellectual content, thanks to the revisionist treatment in the script, and he's a big zero in the action hero department.
Ironically, it's Heston, in a small cameo role as an aging ape, who has the film's best moment. Even with all that simian makeup rendering him unrecognizeable, Heston's magnificent voice gives him more presence than anyone else in the movie, including Tim Roth, who plays his villainous ape son.
"Planet of the Apes"--the original version--was as much a film of ideas as it was a grand action film. The new version wants to have ideas, but they seemed tacked on. Instead, Burton appears to be counting on the effects, the makeups and the stunts to dazzle us. There is, of course, the big switcheroo ending. I confess I went to the movie more to see the new ending than for any other reason. What a letdown! It didn't work in any manner for me.
How ironic that two major studios--Universal and Fox--would go so heavily into the recycling business at a time when there's a huge market for big summer sci-fi movies, the money to pay for them and the digital technology to make almost anything possible. It underscores the primary problem with Hollywood today: The people running the studios don't care a whit about the story because they know nothing about storytelling. They know about box office, which means they'll always go for the sure thing rather than risk their capital on something new.
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Call it the TV network mentality. Most of the people running the studios today are either from television or were raised on it. They see any hit film as the pilot for a series of successively more inferior chapters of the same story. They know a hit film will generate profits for several sequels, even if they're awful.
You can almost understand them, though. Most of today's moviegoers also were raised on television, where everything that's original is immediately cloned by the competition and put on next season's fall lineup. The audience is used to seeing episodes, whether they're TV shows like "The X-Files" or movies like "Jurassic Park" with endless sequels. I know several people who can't wait for "Jurassic Park IV" and already are dying to see Mark Wahlberg in "Return to the Planet of the Apes."
There are great creative filmmakers in the sci-fi business today. Steven Spielberg, who did the first two "Jurassic Park" movies, is one of them and Tim Burton, whose "Batman," "Edward Scissorhands" and "Ed Wood" are modern classics, is another. Spielberg knew better than to direct the third dinosaur movie, so he just produced it. Burton deserves a chance to make a disappointing film now and then, so he did "Planet of the Apes" and surely won't do any sequels.
If it were up to those two superior talents, we psychotronic fans could just consider this an off year for the business. Unfortunately, Spielberg and Burton don't run the entire film industry, so the bad news is that discriminating moviegoers are probably in for lots more of the same old same old from now on.
© 2001 by Ron Miller. The scene from "Planet of the Apes" is © 2001 by Twentieth Century Fox. The scene from "Jurassic Park III" is © 2001 by Universal Studios.
You can comment on this column or contact Ron Miller with an email to: talkback@thecolumnists.com
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