CORRIDOR OF HORROR

Ron Miller's  DARK CORRIDORS VOL. 5, No. 39

COMING SOON ON PAY-PER-VIEW! THE BATTLE OF LEGENDARY UNIVERSAL STUDIOS MONSTERS MILLIONS ARE DYING TO SEE!  FRANKENSTEIN vs. THE MUMMY

FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER aka "Bolt-Necked Bruiser"

KHARIS, THE LIVING MUMMY aka "The Moldy Menace"

FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER This contestant was cobbled together from fresh dead bodies cut down from the gallows. The parts were stitched together into a giant humanoid and shocked into life by Dr. Frankenstein, who remains the Monster's trainer to this day. The team has retained the services of the Carpathian hunchback Ygor, widely considered to be Eastern Europe's finest "cut man."

TALE OF THE TAPE  175  Age  3036  6-4  Height  6-1  225  Weight  190   6-0  Reach  6-0  32-6-1*  Record  18-5-0  NA  KO's  NA *Frankenstein's bout with The Wolf Man was ruled a draw. Most of each contestant's losses were to bands of villagers carrying torches. NA: Not available for either contestant. Both have many stranglings, maulings and batterings to their credit, but no known boxing-style knockouts.

KHARIS The former high priest of Ananka in ancient Egypt was caputred while stealing the sacred Scroll of Thoth in order to bring his beloved Princess Ananka back to life. Buried alive, he was cursed to eternal life and ordered to forever defend the tomb of Ananka. His management has obtained special permission to have his ringside water bottle filled with essence of Tanna leaves, which his handlers say is a "harmless herbal ingredient."

EXPERT ANALYSIS By RON MILLER Author of "Godzilla: Pound for Pound King of the Ring" At last we're going to see the match everybody has been talking about ever since Frankenstein's Monster enraged Kharis by scrawling "Kharis can't get it up anymore" on several pyramids in the Mummy's native Egypt, not to mention the walls of men's rooms in the village of Ingolstadt. There is even a rumor that the Monster infuriated Kharis with some remark about "calling Ananka for a good time," so this is widely considered a grudge match between the two legendary monsters. On paper, this would seem to be a mismatch due to the advanced age of Kharis and his "bum leg," which gives him a pronounced limp. Though Frankenstein's Monster is taller, he has exactly the same reach as Kharis. (Dr. Frankenstein has assumed responsibility for this shortcoming, having sewn the arms of a stumpy woodsman onto the Monster's broad shoulders. As for the "mummy limp," we see this as a possible advantage for Kharis. The limp causes Kharis to advance in a slow, deliberate shuffle, keeping his weight always on one side, giving him excellent balance and much better leverage for punching. The State Athletic Commission has waived several rules because of the physical condition of the combatants in this bout. For example, Kharis will be allowed to retain his mummy wrappings, but the referee will be instructed to watch for any signs of loose ends that might distract his opponent. If the Mummy's cornermen have to re-tape his bandages more than three times per round, points will be deducted. The Monster will not be permitted to wear his giant boots into the ring, the result of persistent demands by the Mummy's corner. They feared the Monster might step on the Mummy's feet during clinches, crushing his already-brittle bones. We expect The Monster to start fast, perhaps even trying to rip off one of Kharis' arms. But we think the many, many years of experience chalked up by Kharis may be the crucial factor in this bout. He's tough, he's seen every kind of fighting style and he hangs in there, slowly bearing down on his opponents, dragging that one foot behind him. However, Kharis will have to guard against fouls since he doesn't wear a belt and it may not be easy for The Monster to avoid hitting below where one ought to be. The referee also will need to watch out for illegal butting during the clinches. The Monster has sharp edges on that flat skull, but we expect the wrappings on Kharis to protect him from cuts around the eyes. Anyway, Kharis has no blood, so what's the harm of a cut here and there? Our prediction: If Kharis can get past the third round, we think The Monster will tire early and The Mummy will score a points decision. The Monster's training regimen has not been good. We've heard he has been hanging out at the cabin of a blind shepherd, where he smokes cigars and takes strong drink. In contrast, Kharis sticks to his training regimen, lying down most of the time he isn't working out and drinking nothing but his herbal tea. We also think The Monster will inhale ancient mummy dust every time he scores to the body--and nobody knows what harm that may do to the big guy's stamina. For both monsters, the stakes are high. A loss might mean a quick return trip to the boneyard (or charnel house!), but a victory is almost certain to lead to one of several big money matches next spring involving such top-ranked monsters as Freddy "The Nightmare" Krueger, Mike "Halloween" Myers or even what's left of "Iron Mike" Tyson. ©2004 by Ron Miller. The Frankenstein and Mummy drawings are from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA.

Ron Miller is a lifelong fan of both Frankenstein's Monster and The Mummy and has seen all their previous bouts.

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