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Observations of An Ex-Cop in La La Land |
 ANDY MURCIA |
 Portrait of a normal driver during an episode of Road Rage |
By ANDY MURCIA
of TheColumnists.com
Reading this column could save your life or the life of someone you love. I wanted to write something that would help those of us who are so susceptible to what is commonly known as “road rage”: That terrible urge to "get back" at some driver you feel has done you wrong. Most of us have been guilty of it to some degree, including yours truly.
I’ve no defense for my shameful, occasional forays into the road rage arena. I can only point out that my motive is different. Since cops are trained to look out for wrongdoers, my “rage” had nothing to do with “getting even” with the other guy, or doing the “I’ll show that jerk” dance. I just wanted to put the offender in jail.
Here's my attitude: Most road rage drivers are otherwise law-abiding citizens, so, if you put them in jail with the scum of the earth, (even if only for a few hours), surely it would shock some sense into them. At least it would cool them off.
Years ago as a cop, I’d just flip my light and siren on, pull the lunatic over and nail him or her. Today there’s only one thing different: I’m no longer a cop! I’m just like any other “Sidney Citizen.” I have been a victim of road rage and I was part of the problem until I found a solution that works.
As a Sergeant in Chicago I had been trained at the best traffic institute in the world, Northwestern University. Even though I never was assigned to the “traffic division,” I had learned that proper traffic enforcement would reduce deaths, injuries and accidents. In Chicago, the traffic cops wore white hats, they thought of themselves as the “good guys” and the rest of the force wore blue hats and we thought of ourselves as the real “crime fighters.” Even though we looked down our “blue hat noses” at the white hat traffic cops, we knew they could save more lives than any of us crime fighters could. Yes, the everyday law abiding citizen has more of a chance of being killed in a traffic accident than being shot to death in a murder scenario.
I know all of us with any sense left would not want to take on a desperado armed with a gun for fear of being killed–so why do we get in our cars and take more of a chance of being killed? Why do we risk not coming home to our families? I mean if we have kids, a wife, husband, or parents waiting for us, why do we risk our life almost daily as we drive?
Based on what we know about road rage people, it’s clear that they suffer from either a temporary or permanent insanity. Why else would they risk death for no true gain? I don’t count a car length or more as a “gain” worth risking one's life for. Hey, while we have no respect for a bank robber, at least the bum is risking being shot to death for some major bucks. But why are we risking our lives on the road?
I hear excuses from educated friends of ours like, “I was late for an appointment and I may have cut this guy off, but when he flipped me off, I blew it.” Or how about this one: “I didn’t do anything, and this wild person pulled next to me and cursed my mother.” My favorite is this one: “He knew I wanted to change lanes, but he sped up just to keep me boxed in behind the truck.” None of these motives, nor any others that you can think of, would be worth risking your life.
Almost daily we hear about senseless killings arising out of road rage incidents across the country. People, let's face it, “road rage” has got to stop!
Here’s my remedy and/or antidote to help us stop this madness: Take a small photo of your kids, wife, husband, mom/dad, family, or lover, and cut out just their faces and put them in a conspicuous place in your car, perhaps the steering wheel center horn location? When you go to hit the horn, you'd see their loving faces and it should stop your rage pronto.
We must also remember that the person who offended you does not even know you. They didn’t leave home with the specific intent to interfere with your driving in any way whatsoever. They simply might be a person stressed by their personal problems such as: A single mother who was up with a sick kid last night. She worked a 10 hour day and was trying to rush home to cook dinner and spend a few precious moments with her kids doing homework before bedtime, then sit at the kitchen table, trying to figure out how to pay bills without money.
Or worse yet, it might be someone who just got a call from his or her doctor that the results of their biopsy revealed they have an incurable type of cancer.
Know that the “other driver” might never have previously participated in a “road rage” incident until some stressful event in their lives weakens them.
Or even if it’s just a run of the mill “road rage addict.” You know, the one who knows the typical “rules” of this dangerous game--i.e., blast horn, put on bright headlights, pull alongside, show them the angry face, curse them, finger them, pass them, slam on brakes and speed off. But what about the guy who happens to have a gun in the car, and doesn’t play by the above unwritten “rules”? It only takes one of these goofballs to shoot you or your passenger(s) dead.
Just ask yourself; “Why should I take their conduct as “personal” to me? They don’t know me and I don’t know them”. My sister Joan used to say; “You never know what’s going on in someone’s life until you walk in their shoes.” How very true.
Without a doubt, if you could ask any road rage person in a public forum, if he or she thought you to be a “chicken” or a “loser” because you flatly refused to fight back with your auto, they would have to say “No.” If they said "yes," they’d be the laughing stock of that audience as well as the real “loser.”
What’s the best way to be a “winner” in any road rage incident? It’s simple really. Just look at road rage as if it were a “bomb” waiting to explode, but you know how to defuse it.
How? Simple again. First you must accept the fact that the person tempting you to rage feels he or she has been offended, disrespected, or simply delayed from doing what they wanted to do--and they blame you for it. Since there is no way to debate your guilt or innocence while driving, here’s the part that will make you the tougher person: Go ahead and plead guilty by offering a sincere, friendly hand wave, or if they can see your face, lip sync, “I’m sorry,” or anything you can do that will convey your apology.
You should also get out of their way and let them go by. If anything as simple as this could have a calming effect or make that other person feel better about themselves that day, by all means, do it.
Let the road rage person vent, even if they vent on you, they will soon realize there is no adversary in you and speed off. This should defuse the “bomb.” You will not be upset, your blood pressure is better then theirs and your heart will give you longer life. YOU WON!
I mean, sooner or later, the “road rage person” will be seen by a cop, ticketed, perhaps jailed, or put where so many people who rage wind up sooner or later--in the hospital or morgue.
Most of us “winners” quit smoking years ago because we didn’t want to die of lung cancer, so now we have to quit road rage, or face another form of death before our time. Why be a dope? Be smart, defuse the “dope bomb.”
Face it folks, some of these losers who commit road rage are armed with guns, and they have shot and killed other motorists who would not make them feel better about their sorry life at that moment. So, you tell me, what’s the smart, winning thing to do here?
As a younger man I took a part time job in a liquor store to make ends meet. The guy who hired me knew I was a cop with a gun. He told me something I never forgot: “Andy, if you are stuck up, just give the crook the money, we can replace the money but your family can’t replace you.” I agreed right off, even though I had a conflict because I was a cop. I should catch the heist man, yes? Sure I should, but only if I could do it safely.
I use to hide my revolver on my person where the stick up guy would never find it in the short time he would be there. And if he made a mistake that gave me just one safe shot at him, I’d shoot him dead. Well, I got held up 3 times, but never got that “safe shot” opportunity, so I just gave the bum the dough. Was I “chicken,” or a “loser" for giving him the money while the bum had a gun pointed at me? I should say not, as I’m alive, but I’d bet by now those bandits are either dead or in prison. So they are the only “losers.”
The next time you get behind the wheel, repeat these three winning thoughts as you start your engine:
1. I will expect lots of “bombs” on this drive to come near me.
2. But I know how to defuse bombs.
3. All I have to do is make the emotionally charged “bomb” feel good about their life for that moment, and I win. As in, I get to go home to those who love me. Not to a jail, court, hospital, or morgue.
If you can repeat the above and make it part of your driving habits you are hereby declared by millions of sane people to be the undisputed champ over any road rage incident.
So, folks start your engines, fasten the seatbelt, lock your doors, put on your favorite music, set the temperature dial to suit you. As you drive off, you will become a spectator of those who are still “sick in the head” in thinking road rage is a game people play.
And as a good driver should, respect those passengers riding with you, they are in your care. Let them enjoy the ride, and not be put into harm's way by anything that you can prevent.
You are cured, you are well; “Doctor Cop Murcia” declares “you will now live to be with your family and friends, as the road rage tumor in your brain has disappeared. You can thank God, but don’t thank me, as I’ve been thanked enough because I took this advice from a lifelong friend of mine, Saverio Barbieri who told me many years ago in so many words, “Be nice, Andy. Nice is good!” You’re right, my friend. I drive nice.
© 2002 by Andy Murcia.
The illustration is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895
Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA.
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