|
|
 |
|
PRESIDENT’S MUTTS
|
Resignation of Barney
shakes up White House
of TheColumnists.com
President George W. Bush’s dog, Barney, has tendered his resignation, following on--and indeed yapping at--the heels of Alberto Gonzalez, Karl Rove, Andrew Card, Tony Snow and Donald Rumsfeld.
The First Dog has come under heavy attack lately. Mr. Rove called him “a lump” - but Barney was unavailable for comment beyond releasing a short statement that read: “It is with great regret that, after six years in the job as faithful White House pet, I must return to private life. I’d like to spend more time with any other family.”
One Washington pundit, a close observer of the White House menagerie going back to King Timahoe, Richard Nixon’s dog, speculated that Barney had alienated the GOP base by his refusal to fetch, stay, beg and obey other rudimentary commands. He was rarely available to the press corps and had a tendency when asked questions to reply with a snarl.
The animal, a Scottish terrier known to be one of the President’s most loyal confidantes, was said to be fielding offers from the private sector in the hope of earning more affection and chew toys than he has earned as a government employe over the past half dozen years.
“This was not an easy move for me to make,” Barney’s statement continued, “but it just seemed like a good time to leave.” The pet’s surprise exit was said to be hastened along, according to one White House insider, when Barney was once again “in the dog house”after accusations that he had chewed up the Oval Office rug. In the past two years, Barney’s reign as top dog has been distracted by charges from Democratic leaders that the animal has refused to cooperate with Congressional orders and ignored all subpoenas.
Barney’s exit comes only a few years after the death of Spot, the longtime Bush family spaniel, and brings to zero the number of remaining White House pets. The president refused to say which dog he was considering to replace Barney, but three candidates are on the short list: Puffy, an Airedale with close ties to Jenna Bush; Mack, a border collie with experience chasing squirrels at the Pentagon; and Boots, a respected black Labrador retriever known to be popular with Rose Garden regulars for his ability to snag Frisbees on the fly from a standing position.
Democratic leaders said that they would not force a confrontation with the President over his choice to fill the office of White House pooch. “We hope to work with Mr. Bush in his appointment of Barney’s replacement if he is willing to extend an olive branch, or even an old belt, to get the job done by the time Congress reconvenes. Said Senator Arlen Spector (R-Pa.). “This is too crucial a position to leave open any longer. The nation deserves a quick nomination and a speedy confirmation. After Spot’s death and Barney’s resignation, morale within the Washington kennel establishment is at an all-time low.”
©2007 by Gerald Nachman. The Nachman caricature is ©2000 by Jim Hummel. The illustration is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted Sept. 3, 2007.
You can comment
on this column online. Please address your message to either
"The Editors" or Gerald Nachman. To send an email,
click here and don't forget to mention Gerald's name: talkback@thecolumnists.com
|
|
|
Archives |
|
|