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IT HAPPENS TO THE VERY BEST OF US!
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Editors don't always get it right. but sometimes.....
of TheColumnists.com
In the wake of the
controversy over James Frey’s fictionalized memoirs, which
were originally written as a novel, the following correspondence
has just come to light:
Dear Miss Hellman: Much as we enjoyed portions of the manuscript for
your proposed novel about your friend Julia and her experiences
as a member of the New York Jewish literary underground during
the Cold War, we find that, ultimately, it lacks a certain authenticity,
although every “and” and “the” has the ring
of essential truth.
Dear Mr. Little: The story you sent us about the social outcast known
as “Melvin X” who tries to start a 4-H Club in Harlem
was intriguing, as far it it goes, but there is not quite enough
conflict to interest us at this time, so we are returning it
to you with regret. But thanks for thinking of us. This in no
way reflects on the merits of your manuscript.
Dear M. Proust: We at Meadow & Marsh apologize for taking so
long to respond to your lengthy manuscript about the magical
cookie that transports a young boy to a former life. You obviously
have a gift for language, however we are simply not in the market
just now for romans a clef, no matter how detailed and
fondly rendered. It also has rather a rambling narrative that
lacks a certain focus, although I’m sure there’s a
market for this sort of thing. We will hold onto the manuscript
for you to pick up; you neglected to enclose a self-addressed
return crate.
Dear Mr. Clemens: The novel you sent us about your early life on the
Missouri River was imaginative and spirited, in its way, but
it seemed to our editorial board that the book meanders well
beyond the point of interest for the casual reader not familiar
with the fine points of piloting a river vessel. My assistant
suggested it might work better as a boy’s book, perhaps
set on a raft with a companion of some sort. In any event, we
appreciate your letting us take a look at the manuscript. We
wish you well with it elsewhere.
Dear Mr. Thurber: While we enjoyed parts of your comic novel about
the one-eyed boy growing up with a zany family in Columbus, we
found it a little farfetched and not likely to resonate with
many readers. As to the doodles of dogs and seals you enclosed,
they’re much too sketchy in their present form to be considered
publishable.
Dear H.D. Thoreau: We received the excerpt of your proposed epistolary
novel, “Diary of a Pond Dweller,” which has some nicely
observed outdoorsy touches but it’s not really a work of
fiction as written. The ecological issues are well enough laid
out, if perhaps heavy handed for a novel.
Dear Mr. Salinger: We appreciated seeing your memoir about your troubled
adolescence, but we are overloaded just now with such books and
feel the market has been glutted with reminiscences like this.
We publish very few reminiscences by unknown authors, but you
have a unique style and please do try us should you ever attempt
anything of a fictitious nature.
©2006 by Gerald Nachman. The cartoon is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted Jan. 30, 2006.
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