|
|
 |
|
Martha Stewart made me
a legend in my own time
By AUDREY YEAGER
of TheColumnists.com
Martha, Dear Martha. I was just beginning to see through your cool exterior and into the soft woman-stuff inside when “up jumped the Devil.” This is not to imply some evil intent or anything close to it. The legal and/or moral aspects of your dilemma are not something I wish to pursue. These are merely personal observations about how your influence has affected parts of my life.
I am sad at what your immediate future holds…truly sad. Surprisingly, at least to me, the attitude of most of the women I talked to about what has happened to you borders on gleeful. Maybe there is the tiniest bit of envy in the mix. We sure cannot deny that there are few things around the home--and that includes the barn, kennels and 40 acres of herbs, flowers and vegetables--that you have not mastered.
You edged your way into my life via the TV and a need to bring my home décor and my recipe box a little more into the present, like anytime after the 70’s. You did not make much of a first impression.
When your decorating program and magazine became a phenomenon, making you a celebrity, your personality did not appeal to me. I am afraid I viewed you rather like a controlled, but cock-sure feminist with a mountain-sized ego. That ego--it seemed to me--hinted quietly but steadily, that you thought the rest of us ladies knew as much about homemaking as we did about building a nuclear reactor.
Pride reared its ugly head. American homemakers never like to think another female can outdo them in their own nesting prowess. Take note at how many contests there are at the state and county fairs for the best pies, quilts and pickles? Then again, maybe that is the very characteristic you were counting on when you began stirring up your first six-tiered double chocolate cake with raspberry filling and a waterfall, in front of the TV screens.
I realize that as the queen of gracious living, you never even came close to accusing us of stupidity…you simply chalked up your amazing abilities day after day until we were drawn into the web of curiosity and interest and the need to create for ourselves.
We females were truly in awe of creations such as the old bonnet hair dryer that became a polka-dotted shoulder bag under your gifted hands. These are still seen today on well-dressed women in my small town.
Martha, you have done me more than one good turn. The first that comes to mind is your Mile High Lemon Meringue pie, which has now become Audrey’s Mile High Lemon pie and I have become a legendary lemon pie maker to every male within a 40 mile radius. I heard that even some of the loggers up in the Cascade Mountains are looking for me.
Another heretofore tough job you accomplished as we sat safely out of harms way in our homes was the bathing of a hamster. Yes, you did, right in front of our eyes on TV, complete with hamster soap, a small tub and dainty, scented towel. It appeared that the gloves you wore were heavy canvas, but I am not sure. Truthfully, any hamster I have, or don’t have, will remain pretty stinky if his lavations are left to me.
Thanks to you, homemaker extraordinaire, my Thanksgiving guests are still raving about their dinner. The “scratch” pumpkin soup made only from vegetables straight from the farmer’s field, served in miniature pumpkin shells, and the pilgrim-shaped place cards of handmade paper I torturously created over one long, long weekend--all that made an impression. The turkey was filled with scrumptious things like chestnuts, fresh basil leaves, raisins, curry and anchovy paste. Generally folks aren’t so crazy about stuffing, but this group couldn’t seem to get enough of it. My son said it was the quart of vodka I poured in to add a little zip. In all fairness, Ms. Stewart, I must claim that imaginative addition as my own, but I am sure you won’t mind.
The biggest change you have made in my household, while there have been many, is in the linen closet. Before you, Martha, it always looked as though it had been worked over by a large family of squirrels. Through you, I saw the light of organization and will never turn back.
Thanks for sharing some great ideas with us, Martha. I hope we can look forward to more of the same.
©2004 by Audrey Yeager. The caricature of Audrey Yeager is ©2001 by Jim Hummel.
You
can comment on this column online. Please address your message
to either "The Editors" or Audrey Yeager. To send an
email, click here: talkback@thecolumnists.com
| Home | About Us | Archives | Talkback | Shopping Mall |