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'WHO'S WHO?' THINK I AM?
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AN INVITATION BY MAIL FROM WHO'S WHO
Naturally, one wonders
what prompted the honor
By DAVID ZINMAN
of TheColumnists.com
Guess what came in the mail the other day: A letter
from “Who’s Who in America.” The famous chronicler
of movers and shakers said they’re considering listing me
in their 60th diamond edition in 2006.
Had to be a prank. That was my first thought. Somebody out there
was pulling my leg.
Why would they want to put an unknown columnist in with celebrities
like Joseph Pulitzer (1900 edition), Eleanor Roosevelt (1950),
and Dick Cheney (2005). Cheney would probably withdraw his name.
If they were alive, so would Pulitzer and Eleanor Roosevelt.
I looked at the letter again. On second glance, it did look official.
It was signed by Karen Chassie, the managing editor. She said.
“I congratulate you on the achievements that have brought
your name to the attention of our editorial committee.”
The letter said it was the real “Who’s Who,” not
to be confused with knock-offs asking you to pay for a listing.
Fewer then four people in 10,000 are included, the letter said.
On the other hand, that’s not as exclusive as it sounds.
The premier source of biographical data has mushroomed to 110,000
names in two fat volumes. They take up 5,900 pages and cost a
hefty $330 (or $295 if you pay up front).
Still, fame alone doesn’t get you into the book. Nor does
wealth or social status. Only “noteworthy accomplishment.”
Maybe it was on the up and up. But was I worthy? Come to think
of it, I’ve gotten some email—mostly favorable--from
readers of “TheColumnists.com.” And they come from
all over the country. Perhaps, I was under-estimating myself?
I went into kitchen and told my wife, Sara. Even before she spoke,
I knew I had blundered. She would think I was out on Cloud Nine
again.
Since I've retired, I've made so many mistakes, Sara is convinced
I'm getting senile. My last embarrassment came at 3 a.m. She
found me standing in front of the refrigerator. I couldn't remember
if I had come for a snack or I already had one.
The "Who's Who" incident would probably end up adding
to the case file she is compiling.
“If this isn't another one of your fantasies, you've made
another boo-boo,” she said. “Outside of your relatives
and your golf buddies, nobody reads your scribblings. When are
you going to do something useful?"
Sara notwithstanding, I wondered which of my, uh, accomplishments
had impressed their editorial committee. My golf game? Last year,
I finished first in the super-seniors (over 65) flight at the
Golf Writers of America tournament in Myrtle Beach, S.C.
No, that couldn’t be it. My scores 88--99--147 weren’t
that impressive.
Maybe it was “Strom in Limbo,” my new play on the late
Sen. Strom Thurmond. The community theatre put it on in Conway,
S.C., my winter hometown. I thought the audience liked it. But
the play has yet to see the light of day outside South Carolina.
The jury is still out on whether it has legs.
Still, “Who’s Who” had to be impressed about something.
Only way to find out is to call them. So I did, and I explained
the situation. Then, I said: “I was just curious to know
which of my accomplishments got the committee’s attention?”
“Music, of course,” the voice on the other end said.
“Music? But I don’t sing.”
“You’re joking, maestro. We picked you for the symphony
orchestras you’ve conducted over the years—at Rochester
(N.Y.), at Baltimore, and now your present post as director of
the music festival in Aspen, Colorado.
“Not my writing?”
“You write, too, maestro? Well, be sure to include that
in your resume when you send it in.”
“I’m talking about my columns in ‘TheColumnists.com’?”
“’TheColumnists.com’? Who is this? Who am I talking
to?”
I hung up. How was I to know they wanted another David Zinman?
Worst of it is I dread having to tell Sara about the mixup. She'll
never stop now until I get tested for Alzheimer's. My only hope
is--if I don’t mention it again, maybe she’ll forget
the whole thing.
©2005 by David Zinman. The Zinman caricature is ©2001 by Jim Hummel. The cartoon illustration uses components from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted on Jan. 17, 2005.
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Is it so incredible to think WHO'S WHO IN AMERICA might want to list a writer for TheColumnists.com on its roster of American achievers? Actually, the following members of our staff are now or have been honored with a listing in the pages of WHO'S WHO in AMERICA: Murry Frymer, Gordon Greb, Paul Hertelendy, Ron Miller and Gerald Nachman. |
You can comment on this column online. Please address your message to either "The Editors" or David Zinman. To send an email, click here: talkback@thecolumnists.com
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