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 "Of course, I just adore you, Billy, but I still think it makes sense to take out a love insurance policy from that Zinman guy." |
Why risk financial loss
from a broken romance?
of TheColumnists.com
St. Valentine's Day arrives
this week (Feb. 14) and it's given me an idea for a new kind
of insurance. I call it "love insurance."
It's for people whose romance has gone sour. Not interested?
Hold on. Maybe, you have a friend who is interested. Or you know
someone who Cupid messed up.
Or maybe, it's really you. I see a lot of sad faces these days
and they are not all caused by The Recession. Let's be honest.
Isn't that a tear running down your cheek? Is your marriage on
the rocks? Are you single but wish you weren't? I know, it's
no fun to be lonely.
I have a friend--let's call her Betty--who has gone half-way
across the country to stay with her sweetheart. He moved away
and she left her job and her apartment to be with him.
Things have worked out--so far. But they have been together only
three months. Who knows what the future holds? I mean if it doesn't
work out in the long run, look at the financial impact (not to
mention the pain and suffering).
She'll be out of pocket for her travel expenses plus all the
rent she's paying for that empty apartment back home. You see
her lease still has six months to go.
The idea for love insurance isn't really so outlandish. These
days, there's insurance for almost everything. There's vacation
insurance (that pays off if it rains an inch or more any day
you are on vacation). There's pet health insurance that covers
your dog or cat when they are sick.
British soccer star David Beckham's legs and feet were insured
for $70 million. Singer Dolly Parton insured her ample bosoms
for $600,000--$300,00 each. British food critic Egon Roney insured
his taste buds for $400,000.
You can even get insurance that pays off if a golfer scores a
hole-in-one. That insurance is usually taken out by a firm sponsoring
a golf outing. It usually offers a big prize like $10,000 or
a new car if anyone plunks the ball in the cup on a par three
hole.
So when you consider this insurance list, you have to admit love
insurance isn't that far-fetched. It's just that nobody has thought
of it before.
One insurance agent wasn't impressed. "If you love your family," he said, "you'll get life insurance." But suppose you're headed for a divorce? "Then you need a good lawyer and plenty of money."
I think he's selling love insurance short.
There are a lot of potential clients. Everybody falls in love
sooner or later. You meet someone. You have an enchanted evening.
Everything seems to click. Then, you start a long-term relationship.
Later, when it's too late, you may find out your instincts weren't
so good. She likes coffee. You like tea. She is a fan of Rush
Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly. You are a rock-ribbed Liberal. She
loves chamber music and string quartets. You are a hard rock
devotee.
In the sober light of day, Mr. Right turns out to be Mr. Wrong.
Or Ms. Enchantment turns out to be Ms. Disenchantment.
So you go for a divorce. Or, if you are living together without
a marriage license--like some modern couples--you pack up and
you're out of there.
Either way, it takes money to break up. That's where love insurance
steps in. It pays for your breakup--your divorce lawyer's fee
(in the case of a married couple), and/or your cost to move out
and find another home.
Let's be honest. Love insurance won't do everything. It won't
bring back your sweetie. But it will help dry some of your tears.
And when it pays your breakup expenses, at least it may leave
some funds to step out and look for a new lover. I mean the real
Mr. Right or Ms. Enchantment. Your true soul mate. He or she
is out there, somewhere. waiting.
Call me for a policy. Don't delay. A 50 per cent discount goes
to the first 100 callers. The 800 number is 123-LOVE.
Happy Valentine's Day.
©2009 by David Zinman. The Zinman caricature is ©2001 by Jim Hummel. The illustration is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted Feb. 9, 2009.
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